One in two times, you must have heard that inner voice tell you -
"You are smart, fierce and working it. You are an independent woman."
That inner voice must have risen either due to modern pop culture (oh, we love our independent woman so much!) or you used to listen to Destiny's Child track a little too often in the 90's. Either way, let me tell you that is a myth.
What is an independent woman anyway? Girl in a suit and heels during the day, sexy and sassy in a pub by the night, super mom and wife at home, takes care of bills and knows how to "fit in" with the society. She never cries. She knows to cook, knit, clean, rear kids, maintain a home, organize parties just like that. She knows how to jump the hoops. She wiggles from one role to another with the extreme makeover of a reality show participant. Hail independent women - they do it all, have it all, flaunt it all.
Look at Katherine Heigl for instance in the movie Ugly Truth. She's an example of independent woman. Smart TV producer in tailored designer suits, living in a big suburban villa like home, control freak who loves keeping things clean and hunting for the sensitive and metrosexual Mr. Right with Jesus's abs.
Congratulations, chick flicks have just spring-boarded the image of an independent woman to an all new level. They have set up, every one of the 20-something girls for failure. I mean who doesn't want to be like Katherine in Ugly Truth. She's hot, young, rich, powerful and will also get her perfect man in the end.
Only life is not a fairy tale like that. Life does not have a map with a fixed set of rules. We forget it is not an ideal perfect world out there.
Welcome to the real world where the image of an independent woman is a myth.
No one can have it all, take it all and do it all. Even the most powerful and mean looking women in the world are vulnerable and possess weaknesses.
I have no problem with cultivating empowerment, self-confidence and equal rights in women. I have a problem with the unnecessary romanticism of the concept of "independent woman".
You know how much pressure that puts on a woman? As it is, she's dealing with making a living for herself (and others), supporting herself and her family and attempting to lead an everyday life with dignity. You want to tell her to dress a certain way, look a certain way, work a certain way so she can handle all kinds of jobs because you know, she must act like an independent woman, in the big bad world. That's not independent woman, that's an octopus (with eight hands to multitask)
Sorry, that aint gonna happen boss. She is going to be exactly like any other human on this earth. Happy, when she gets a pay raise. Sob, when she feels lonely. Lazy, when she feels like. Angry, when she's not treated with respect. Sloppy, when she wants to. Just like every other man.
Stop calling women resilient. What does that even mean btw? That she should stick up to any crap the world throws at here and still stand up smiling. That's not resilient that's losing one's self-dignity. That's being treated inferiorly. It is ok for her to breakdown. To seek help. To take someone's support. That doesn't make her weak or less independent. That makes her smart and playing her cards right.
You know what is independent? When she can do what she loves, when she can move with people she loves, when she can pick and choose her friends and activities, when she can genuinely express her feelings and doesn't have to worry about complying with your rules of a pseudo independent woman.
A woman with passion is far more sexy than you think. The sooner you embrace that, the sooner you will win her heart.
So the next time you ask your wife, daughter, sister, female colleague to be independent, trust me, they would have felt far more happier if you didn't mention that word. Tell her instead what she means to you and why she is important to you.
Or if you are at a loss for words, just repeat the line "You is smart, you is kind, you is important" from The Help.
A little flattery always gets you a 10/10 with woman. But if you piss her off, she is going to make Minny's chocolate pie for you:
4 comments:
Honestly, you gotta write a book or something! The "Superman" myth is just as much hot air as the independent woman. But it is sadly true that a whole lot of people pursue that mirage, instead of actually doing things they are good at and have a passion for. You will never be able to accomplish everything for sure...but you can accomplish atleast something you care about.
Couldn't have said better; you nailed the central theme of this post in a few words :) Sadly I am not even sure why this stereotype applies more to woman than a man.
Sorry but I have to disagree with you. "Independent women" exists. :)
well, they don't call a man "independent". i have a problem with the branding. plus it depends on what you define as "independent". either ways, you dont have to be sorry ;) would be interesting to hear your counter argument though:)
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