"So how do I look? Do I look like the floodlights?", I ask my boyfriend, on no particular occasion. He nods in approval.
I was wearing a beaten-to-death jeans and an equally ancient men's t-shirt that doubled up as my nightwear. Clearly my nails weren't manicured (I have never had a manicure btw) while my boyfriend sported a set of perfectly shaped nails that could put a well-groomed girls' to shame. And yet, my boyfriend says, I look like the floodlights.
Yes we get it - Love is blind.
But I have an itch to scratch today. Plenty of rom-coms later, I am left with a feeling that I have been set up for failure. Nothing in real life mirrors those stories of happily ever after.
No, really. As a couple, we are either running errands, strategizing commute routes, envying other couples, debating work-life balance, discussing dad's health. What ever happened to the promise of a fairy tale romance? Welcome quarter-life crisis.
Catching a movie (mostly terrible ones) is the closest thing to romance in the modern day.
#facepalm
The other day, we bought flowers as a wedding gift for a friend. That was the closest I have been to "smelling roses". Pun intended, btw. "You never bought me flowers", I try to take a dig at my boyfriend, winking at him. "Do you even know how they look, like, put together nicely? They have this way of arranging and wrapping them, they cut the ribbons with their fingers...", he goes on to explain me.
The florist girl interrupts - "Which roses you want? Bolo." And I stare back blankly. Frozen. My boyfriend is quick to respond "Red ones, a few yellows in between. Actually, whatever you think fit." I look at him suspiciously. Umm ok, he knows more than me about flowers, so what. But they never showed me this side of things in the rom-coms I watched.
The florist girl interrupts - "Which roses you want? Bolo." And I stare back blankly. Frozen. My boyfriend is quick to respond "Red ones, a few yellows in between. Actually, whatever you think fit." I look at him suspiciously. Umm ok, he knows more than me about flowers, so what. But they never showed me this side of things in the rom-coms I watched.
#betrayed (yet again)
"Daisies are the friendliest flowers", I say to him, as the florist gets to work. "From the movie You've Got Mail", I add quickly sounding triumphant at my knowledge of rom-coms. He seems, not strangely, unimpressed.
What? No chivalry?
I am not bowed down by this apparent lack of chivalry in my relationship. I decided I will give back to the world, you know, a bit of chivalry, a bit of courteousness and a bit of old-fashioned charm. I am all for giving back. Needless to say, that didn't work either. Holding one of the double doors at a local hospital got me strange stares from people. An old woman gave me a confused look "Isn't she a little too young or unconventional to be a doorman?".
"Anna, you forgot the (bike) stand" or "Boss, indicator lights are on" are the closest calls of courteousness I have experienced on Indian roads. Yes, Indians are like that, full of contradictions.
"Anna, you forgot the (bike) stand" or "Boss, indicator lights are on" are the closest calls of courteousness I have experienced on Indian roads. Yes, Indians are like that, full of contradictions.
Hmm, this whole thing needs some serious research. (Puts on my imaginary thinking hat)
I mean seriously, I could tell my boyfriend that sometimes he sings horribly while he thinks he sounds like Udit Narayan. But I wasn't taught like that you know. My parents fed me a healthy dose of rom-coms. And then he is always telling me Brahmi, Balaiah, Senthil, Vivek jokes and spamming me with Mashable and Techcrunch links from his Google Reader. This is the limit only.
Where is the romance? I want romance. (Refer below video at 2:50 for perspective)
Maybe I will shake him up today and say "I am a fine lady - treat me like one." Although I need to dress like one. Hmm, scratch that. Too much work.
Of course, unlike ladies, I will agree this trend is partly my fault. I clearly haven't prepared him to a life of chivalry. Spoiled him rotten from the day I offered to split our bills to standing in the queues for filing his taxes or buying movie tickets for both to carrying his jacket. But a lady can take only so much no?
I think I will surprise him today by asking flowers. No, I will have to then think of what to do with those flowers then. Too much stress. Maybe I will shop a lot with his credit card. Hmm, no patience with trial room lines, unresponsive sales people and having to choose..Too much decision making. Stressful again. Maybe I will order the priciest dish in the priciest restaurant? But, but, but I like only food at those "all you can eat" and cheap dhaba and tiffin centre like places.
I think I will surprise him today by asking flowers. No, I will have to then think of what to do with those flowers then. Too much stress. Maybe I will shop a lot with his credit card. Hmm, no patience with trial room lines, unresponsive sales people and having to choose..Too much decision making. Stressful again. Maybe I will order the priciest dish in the priciest restaurant? But, but, but I like only food at those "all you can eat" and cheap dhaba and tiffin centre like places.
Uff, so tough this is.
Ooh, what is this. New mail from boyfriend. Another (predictably) Techcrunch link:
No, I am not even making that up. A few weeks earlier, we were discussing the trivia behind naming a mobile app (related to couples) as Avocado. Ok since you have read this blog so far I shall share the trivia with you. Avocados grow in pairs, hence the "fundoo" name for the app. The closest to romantic discussion we have had in months. This is not even funny anymore. Hmm.
But really an API, an entire toolkit for all apps geared towards couples? A platform for couples? I wouldn't have imagined that in 2001 when I was writing my first Hello World program in C language.
Ok, in that case, I am declaring an open forum for romance related counsel. This will be like Oprah Winfrey of Indian Romance Counseling. I will have grassroot workers go to schools teaching the basics of chivalry to young men. I will write software to push notifications on your mobile phones, so you can read unsolicited rom advice crowdsourced from all of web, while you are doing important things like laundry or playing Angry Birds. (Yes, you can thank me later) And I shall open source the API too (remember I believe in giving back?)
Posting this soon before boyfriend requests censorship. Once its out on the Internet, there is no looking back.
Update:
New mail (with some video link) from boyfriend reads in the subject: "wot are these suits? they are flyin off gennnnn". Labeling it as "Unread and Important".
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