Let me tell you I have been incessantly suffering from bouts of coughing in the night. Not a funny story to talk about. So one night, not withstanding all the noise (I sleep in the same room as my parents) my dad resolved to take me to a doctor. Only we have no one "family" doctor to go to. I mean, it's just been like that. You want a doctor? Go shop for one.
Anyway, my mom kept telling him there was this doctor at the end of the street who "seems" popular since she saw couple of our neighbors go in there. Sometimes I think my mom hallucinates because I observed she likes to make up stories out of air. Like this one about the supposedly famous doctor. Oh well, she was atleast helping with some advice.
So my dad takes his scooty out and rides to this small clinic and he finds the cleaning lady there peeking out of the clinic. He sees a female doctor (Gayatri) name written on the clinic's banner outside. The cleaning lady nods that the doctor is in. So he comes fetches me. I walk out in my pajamas much to the chagrin of my dad who keeps grumbling, more to himself than me - "This isn't USA, you cant come out in your night clothes out like this". I am already sleep deprived thanks to all the night coughing. So I pay no heed and sit on his scooter.
Now let me tell you the man rides like he's riding a bullock cart. It felt like forever by the time we reached the end of this long street (about a 1/4 mile I would think). Anyway, he parks and encounters this guy in yellow teeth staring right down at my dad. Asks that the scooter be parked right beside the car that was parked a feet away. I couldn't really see a "No Parking" sign so I impatiently ask this guy what's the premise behind moving a vehicle that was parked near a wall that people just wanted to piss on? It clearly seemed like no one cared and were pissing on it anyway. He ignored my protest and my dad chided me to just park it.
FINE!
Only to go in and discover that this very yellow teethed man was the doctor. That's when my dad goes:
"Gayatri????", with his eyeballs almost falling off his eye sockets.
Doc: "Gayatri in the evening"
At that moment I saw my dad sizing him up. Later that evening as my dad narrated to my mom...the man with his ugly yellow teeth and untucked shirt and mehendi dyed hair and old rusty glasses was a nightmare to look at. He had thought he was another of the cleaning guys or assistants.
Dad: Where is Gayatri the doctor?
Doc: Gayatri is wife
Dad: Whose wife?
By this time I had already coughed a good measure to speak up and clear the air.
Me: Gayatri is his wife and she only comes in the evening. Now can we get examined? I have these coughs at night...
At this point my dad shot one of his trademark disgusting looks and conceded.
Doc: Coughing eh? Kids these days. So sensitive eh? Hahaha
Neither me nor my dad found it funny but we nodded along. I couldn't tell what annoyed my dad most. His unkempt look or his broken English.
Doc: Show tongue.
I stick my tongue out.
Doc: More tongue.
From the corner of my eye I saw my dad stifle a chuckle.
He then holds my wrist and asks me to breathe to check my pulse.
Doc: Now breathe. More breathe. More...
I felt like I was delivering a baby then.
Doc: Whokay. All good only. No temperature. No fever. What tablets you take amma?
Me: (amma? Yes I feel like Jayalalitha now..) Crocin
By this time my dad told him I was jet lagged and had cough even before I came here.
Suddenly the doctor screamed "Viral infection" on my face. I almost felt his dirty breath on me and jumped up from my seat.
Doc: Viral infection I think
Me: What are the symptoms of viral infection? Night coughing?
Doc: I think it is viral infection.
By this time both my dad and I were infuriated. And both gave in and nodded in agreement to his passionate discovery and analysis. He started scribbling the prescriptions and gave it to me.
Doc: Whokay. Two times. After meals only. This and this (as he points it out to me)
As he hands it over to me, he looks at me meaningfully. For a moment I turned to my dad and signaled him as if to say "maybe this is when you pay his fees and get the fcuk out of here?"
My dad takes the cue and takes a 100 rupee note and hands it to me.
Doc: Thank you. Hahaha.
Sigh..
Still looks purposefully at me. What now? He then breaks the silence.
Doc: You go and get medicines amma...me and your dad will talk.
What the fcuk? What?
Doc: (Continues to talk to dad) You know these days doctors do expensive scanning because your daughter will demand that. Young blood, what to do?
Dad: (In despair) It's not that. It's because every big hospital pressures their doctors to meet certain targets to fulfill. So the unnecessary scanning...
Doc: No sir. No. No. No. It is the young blood that demands. They are not satisfied with tablets.
(He then looks at me and says) Why you here? Go amma...
That's when I lost it. I announced to dad that I was going home.
Doc: You get here the tablets. These medical shops give duplicate tablets. Come and verify ok?
Dad (gets up as if to leave): Ok..I think we should..
Doc: You sit sir...
The cleaning lady walks in and the doctor turns towards her
Doc: (Handing her a 10 rupee note) Take this amma. This wont be cut from your salary ok?
My dad later remarked about it...that he was so happy with getting a patient that he gave away 10 rupee and made the cleaning lady's day
Doc: (Getting back into conversation mode) So this Anna Hazare movement too much no sir?
He chooses to talk at a time when both dad and I are atleast 2 feet away and almost near the door, ready to leave.
Dad: Bye
Once home, my mom opened the door to ask me how it went.
Dad: Highly recommended.
Anyway, my mom kept telling him there was this doctor at the end of the street who "seems" popular since she saw couple of our neighbors go in there. Sometimes I think my mom hallucinates because I observed she likes to make up stories out of air. Like this one about the supposedly famous doctor. Oh well, she was atleast helping with some advice.
So my dad takes his scooty out and rides to this small clinic and he finds the cleaning lady there peeking out of the clinic. He sees a female doctor (Gayatri) name written on the clinic's banner outside. The cleaning lady nods that the doctor is in. So he comes fetches me. I walk out in my pajamas much to the chagrin of my dad who keeps grumbling, more to himself than me - "This isn't USA, you cant come out in your night clothes out like this". I am already sleep deprived thanks to all the night coughing. So I pay no heed and sit on his scooter.
Now let me tell you the man rides like he's riding a bullock cart. It felt like forever by the time we reached the end of this long street (about a 1/4 mile I would think). Anyway, he parks and encounters this guy in yellow teeth staring right down at my dad. Asks that the scooter be parked right beside the car that was parked a feet away. I couldn't really see a "No Parking" sign so I impatiently ask this guy what's the premise behind moving a vehicle that was parked near a wall that people just wanted to piss on? It clearly seemed like no one cared and were pissing on it anyway. He ignored my protest and my dad chided me to just park it.
FINE!
Only to go in and discover that this very yellow teethed man was the doctor. That's when my dad goes:
"Gayatri????", with his eyeballs almost falling off his eye sockets.
Doc: "Gayatri in the evening"
At that moment I saw my dad sizing him up. Later that evening as my dad narrated to my mom...the man with his ugly yellow teeth and untucked shirt and mehendi dyed hair and old rusty glasses was a nightmare to look at. He had thought he was another of the cleaning guys or assistants.
Dad: Where is Gayatri the doctor?
Doc: Gayatri is wife
Dad: Whose wife?
By this time I had already coughed a good measure to speak up and clear the air.
Me: Gayatri is his wife and she only comes in the evening. Now can we get examined? I have these coughs at night...
At this point my dad shot one of his trademark disgusting looks and conceded.
Doc: Coughing eh? Kids these days. So sensitive eh? Hahaha
Neither me nor my dad found it funny but we nodded along. I couldn't tell what annoyed my dad most. His unkempt look or his broken English.
Doc: Show tongue.
I stick my tongue out.
Doc: More tongue.
From the corner of my eye I saw my dad stifle a chuckle.
He then holds my wrist and asks me to breathe to check my pulse.
Doc: Now breathe. More breathe. More...
I felt like I was delivering a baby then.
Doc: Whokay. All good only. No temperature. No fever. What tablets you take amma?
Me: (amma? Yes I feel like Jayalalitha now..) Crocin
By this time my dad told him I was jet lagged and had cough even before I came here.
Suddenly the doctor screamed "Viral infection" on my face. I almost felt his dirty breath on me and jumped up from my seat.
Doc: Viral infection I think
Me: What are the symptoms of viral infection? Night coughing?
Doc: I think it is viral infection.
By this time both my dad and I were infuriated. And both gave in and nodded in agreement to his passionate discovery and analysis. He started scribbling the prescriptions and gave it to me.
Doc: Whokay. Two times. After meals only. This and this (as he points it out to me)
As he hands it over to me, he looks at me meaningfully. For a moment I turned to my dad and signaled him as if to say "maybe this is when you pay his fees and get the fcuk out of here?"
My dad takes the cue and takes a 100 rupee note and hands it to me.
Doc: Thank you. Hahaha.
Sigh..
Still looks purposefully at me. What now? He then breaks the silence.
Doc: You go and get medicines amma...me and your dad will talk.
What the fcuk? What?
Doc: (Continues to talk to dad) You know these days doctors do expensive scanning because your daughter will demand that. Young blood, what to do?
Dad: (In despair) It's not that. It's because every big hospital pressures their doctors to meet certain targets to fulfill. So the unnecessary scanning...
Doc: No sir. No. No. No. It is the young blood that demands. They are not satisfied with tablets.
(He then looks at me and says) Why you here? Go amma...
That's when I lost it. I announced to dad that I was going home.
Doc: You get here the tablets. These medical shops give duplicate tablets. Come and verify ok?
Dad (gets up as if to leave): Ok..I think we should..
Doc: You sit sir...
The cleaning lady walks in and the doctor turns towards her
Doc: (Handing her a 10 rupee note) Take this amma. This wont be cut from your salary ok?
My dad later remarked about it...that he was so happy with getting a patient that he gave away 10 rupee and made the cleaning lady's day
Doc: (Getting back into conversation mode) So this Anna Hazare movement too much no sir?
He chooses to talk at a time when both dad and I are atleast 2 feet away and almost near the door, ready to leave.
Dad: Bye
Once home, my mom opened the door to ask me how it went.
Dad: Highly recommended.
2 comments:
Hilarious to read :)...must have been irritating to you though!
now this i like :)
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