Getting your shit together

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What? You mean you never had one tragic moment in your life? The one which is sort of "kick in your pants" failure moment. But, how is that even possible? If so, then sorry to say, getting your shit together will get that much more harder. 

It is true. Determination, willpower and all those underdog type abilities emerge when we confront unexpected, massive tragedies in life. I always felt they were like little reminders to make you appreciate your routinely good life a bit more. But you know what is more amazing?  It is that "kick in your pants" feeling. That sort of outrage that builds up in you - that says to you to stop being such a sissy about it and get up and face it. And whatever it is, conquer it.

It is hard to be maddeningly focussed and determined in normal circumstances. Pick any kind of underdog - they have been through rough times, some crazy low point that it kicks them in their pants to do their best. To prove their best.

This phenomenon is called "Getting your shit together". This happens mostly when tragedy strikes (sorry some of you incredibly lucky people who sail through life, this ain't for you.) Yes, getting dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend is gold (see video). Although I wouldn't, in my wildest dreams, break up with Joseph Gordon-Lewitt, if he were my boyfriend. 

Ok so if you have read so far, let me give you some more unsolicited advice.

All those motivating TED talks and all, they are short-lived, ok? Your brain processes them in and out it goes. Ask the TED speakers if they were driven by watching only TED talks. They will tell you. So instead recollect something tragic that has happened to you and how you came out of it or didn't - what do you want to takeaway from it? No, not about being weak and pain and sadness. I meant take it as an inspiration instead.

If all else fails, just think about your (Indian) parents. That should do. (Yes, they are exasperating at times. Admit it ;-).  Or think about your boss. Or that snobbish friend. These are your best bets.

Meanwhile, if nobody is inspiring you or you need some laughs or you are just plain tired reading this blog post, watch this kid pep talk you for instant energy.

The Rest is Noise

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"Do you really think it will be full?", I ask my friend seated beside me, busy checking on his office mail.

"Ya sure it has been what..like 45 mins now?"

I nod. I was chugging down a liter of bottled mineral water. I was due for an Ultrasound Scan. The first ever in my life. And I was waiting for my bladder to get full.

"Umm can you google search what's the average time for a woman?", I ask my friend. I add, "No I am not joking. Please?", I plead him. Just for the record, that day I waited 3 hours.

That morning when I had arrived I read the big information banner outside the ultrasound room about safety precautions and a pregnant lady's photo beside.

"Umm, remind me why am I doing this? Isn't this for pregnant people?", I ask my friend. Both of us shrug. I was asked to get tested for an acute infection in my body.

The first time I entered the room, the technician was annoyed with me.

"How much did you drink?"

"2 glasses", I said nonchalantly.

She rolled her eyes and pointed the monitor with a little disgust. "Look that is 10 ml. I need atleast 400 ml in your bladder."

"Oh I was told to drink 2 glasses."

"No you come after drinking a liter and only if you feel your bladder is blasting."

Ok I say and come out and drink. I was puking on water beside my friend.

"This is like Ellen Page drinking Sunny D in Juno", I say and both of us laugh.

December 2012 and it was supposed to be the holiday season. The hospital had a tiny christmas tree in the corner but hoards of people sick with illnesses and worry. And this day was my only "light-hearted" day to be for a month from then.

I ran fevers of 104F. I wondered for the first time if 104F was this, then how would a third degree burns patient feel? 

My mom once touched my cheek when the temperature was a little over 104 and she immediately withdrew her hand back. As if she touched a boiling pot on stove.

"It was like touching fire. My fingers didn't lose the heat till about a minute.", she told me later.

Every night, somewhere between crack of the dawn and early morning, I had viral attacks. I would be under two thick blankets and a winter jacket and bouncing up and down the bed. The virus gave me horrific shivering for an hour each night. 

"It was like in the movie exorcist, as if you were possessed.", my dad said the few times he managed to baby step to my bedroom. Dad is chronically sick and cannot move freely.

It was enormous pressure for mom. She sometimes held on to my body to hold me from shivering, but the shaking was so uncontrollable she would get thrown off. "I was scared. I thought if I held you it would stop", she told me later, naively.

After the shivering, I ran temperatures as high as 104 for few hours and then withdrew into sweating profusely - the only time I would remove the blankets and jacket off my body.

The viral attacks (sometimes multiple times a day) left my body in so much pain, that I coudn't even turn to one side of the bed on my own. So going to bathroom was obviously a nightmare. It was an ordeal that lasted atleast 30 minutes. Some days I would drink less so I didn't have to make an extra trip to the toilet.

The antibiotics proved no match to the infection in my body. The doctors couldn't tell what sort of infection it was and where it was in my body. Their medicines only made it worser. They gave me mouth blisters. All kinds in my mouth. In every nook. About half a dozen atleast. 

I stopped eating. I couldn't talk without my mouth paining now.

I was confused, upset and started cussing. I would call the virus all sorts of swear words. I would cry sometimes and yell at God. As if, mysteriously he had conspired against me. 

"Why me?", I shouted every sleepless night as I waited for the viral attacks. I turned phobic.

Weeks went by, but not one doctor could diagnose me. I took a battery of tests. Each time I got the test reports, you would think I would be happy seeing "Negative" results. But I cried. I cried because if I was positive on a test, that meant I am still not diagnosed for this GOD DAMN INFECTION.

My condition worsened every day. Some days my digestion would be upset for no reason. I stopped working. I ate less and barely smiled. I couldn't bear noise - the loud sounds from TV. Music disturbed me. I waited through silent days and nights. For the first time I heard the clock ticking in the room. Each minute was hard to pass by. 24 hours seemed so long to me. 

Each day I lost confidence and weight, both in large measures. In 2 weeks I was down 7 kilos (15 lbs). My parents tried to motivate me. My dad mocked me saying I had no guts to face it all. (He always uses reverse psychology to provoke or motivate me.) I was in pain and I didn't care. I dreamed about taking a hot bath (I hadn't bathed for a month now.)

"Do you think I can get back to shape and run long distance? I've lost all muscle.", I asked my friend. "You just breezed through the half marathon, you can do anything.", he said with a truthful tone to his voice.

Slowly the cussing stopped and I started praying. Praying to God. Begging for mercy. My friend had meanwhile visited temples, held special prayers and prayed hard. My mom prayed. My friend's mom prayed hard. Finally I was put under a clinical trial of drugs without diagnosis of the disease. There was such a thing called Fevers of Unknown Origin in the medical literature. That was me now, experiencing it. 

The doctor said, "You may or may not tolerate these drugs. It depends on how much your body can take. These drugs are very powerful." I didn't care. By this time I had made my mind to get out of this. I popped about 10 drugs a day, 4 of them that were so large I feared I would choke on them. But I didn't say a word. I just prayed and said "God just let the drugs work."

And they worked. Slowly, but steadily. Giving me hope, confidence and fixing my wrong attitude along the way. I made my mom sneak in a pack of Lays Chips and a bottle of thumbs up just because I wanted to taste something salty and sugary (although I am supposed to eat healthy more now than ever). Life felt good for the first time in months.

All my life I felt that I was a self made woman. That I didn't require help. Nobody's help. Not even God. Help was for losers, I thought. Help was for lazy people, I thought. Many moments I took my parents and friends for granted. The only people who became my strong support system through a time that was unimaginable for me.

I didn't understand how this infection in my body was even humanely possible - I worked out few times a week, I ate healthy and I prided myself about never falling sick for 28 years of my life. I despised silently those who fell sick, because I thought it was their own doing. Until I saw my own father falling into depths of chronic sickness. And still I hadn't developed enough empathy for the sick. Now I have a new found admiration for people who fight ill-health EVERY SINGLE DAY of their lives. I cannot imagine what that must be. Because I have had enough for a month and a half - enough to throw my confidence and hope, off-balance.

The thing is there is an important lesson hidden in every experience. But there is something about failures and tragic experiences that bring in a change in you. In those days of sickness, I realized how much I wanted to do in life. That life is too short. That we take our life for granted - our good health, parents, friends & close ones, happy memories, opportunities etc. People with permanent disabilities and far fatal diseases live life with confidence. Then why are we, normal average people, plagued by worries?

The mysterious thing about happiness is it is in our perspective. For ages, people have researched, studied and taken surveys about happiness. But I realized it is in accepting the moment - whatever that is. It is in the way we view things, cherish things and see the positive in everything. The tragic experiences in our life test this faith of ours to be happy, no matter what. 

It is tough to be happy, if you choose to. It is easy to be happy, if you choose to.

Now I pop about 5 drugs per day like candies and joke about the orange color of my urine (a result of the drugs). "It is more like the sunset orange.", I describe to my mom who reacts with disgust to my rather detailed descriptions.

Even now when I think about my illness, I shudder. I am still recovering but it feels like a miracle to get rid of viral attacks. But the miracle happened when I resolved to fight it and get out of it. When I saw people around me give strength it felt foolish to sit in a corner and cry.

Because that one moment when I decided to be positive and have a little faith, I chose happiness. And the rest...the rest was just noise.

How to learn a foreign language for free

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I have been learning Spanish since a month now. (Me encanta aprender espanol!) 

I know, that probably doesn't make me any expert to write an article as this. But I believe you will find some worthy recommendations here (specially resources you should use). Best of all they are all FREE! 

Learning through mems

Earlier in the year when I read Joshua Foer's Moonwalking with Einstein I was fascinated with this whole business about remembering things. Certainly, the memory championships are won by ordinary human beings and not wizards. So it was exciting to learn a technique or two about improving memory.  Cutting short, there was a Guardian article on how Joshua Foer learnt a language in 22 hours. There he refers to a site built by former memory champions called memrise.com. A site where you can learn languages (among other things) through visual cues (mnemonics or what they shortly call as "mems"). Till date, I remember some of the complicated phrases in Spanish thanks to memrise. It is fun and addictive. Give it a shot!

Learning via apps

One of the best language learning apps out there is Duolingo (only available in iPhone as of now). Thanks to Mr. Ashton Kutcher, who tweeted this and there hasn't been a day where I didn't use this app to learn Spanish. Ok, there was a day and the Duolingo team promptly sent me a reminder (whoa!) that daily practice is essential to learn a language. So now you must wonder, there are several apps, so why this app? I think what works in this app is you can take short lessons in under 5 mins or so (if you were waiting in a line somewhere, commuting, or just bored), you could switch to this app and learn a word or two. Also, the app structures the lessons really well (so you are progressing from one level to another) and is very comprehensive! 

Learning via podcasts

I love my iTunes! Specially podcasts and iTunes U. I could sit on them the whole day and forget to work. They are that addictive. One of the most popular language learning series on iTunes is Coffee Break Spanish. These are short podcasts (weekly I think) that cover Spanish lessons offered by Scottish anchors Mark and Cara. They make it really interesting through conversations, basic phrases, holiday jingles and what not. Basically very very simple but effective.

Learning via iTunes U

And then there is the traditional way of signing up for a language course. This is the least recommended, honestly. Because you are going to find yourself less and less motivated to stick to it. But one of the things I was struggling with while learning Spanish is grammar. Grammar, yes, is important. So I found a course by University of Arkansas on iTunes U called the 5 minute Spanish. This focuses only on grammar and is a 5 minute series (again!). Very effective in getting rid of those grammar questions. 

A nagging question for instance was when to use "es" and when to use "esta" in Spanish. A 5 minute lesson in this course just crushed it! 

Learning with a buddy

Honestly, if I continued to live in the States, I would easily find a Spanish speaking buddy. And that is probably the best thing to do anyway - practice speaking a language with a native speaker. But since I am in India, I learn by practicing with a friend who is also interested in learning the language. So we try to do conversations as if we were two native Spanish speakers. It is fun to make mistakes and laugh over it. Plus, we add our own creative ways of remembering it :)

Learning by listening/reading

This is something I caught on to a little late because I had to build up to the basic Spanish words before I start watching Spanish videos. I picked up a Spanish book recently and I watch Spanish commercials on YouTube. Although, I am still on the lookout for a nice Spanish soap or TV show that I can follow (Recommendations welcome:))

So really when I was watching Life of Pi I jumped up at the scene where Pi is in the hospital and there is a headline in the local Mexican newspaper that reads something like "Chico 277 dias..."

I immediately grip my friend's arm and say hey I know what that means. I had to show off you know ;)

Movie recommendation: No Country for Old Men

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Note: The movie that inspired me to read the book (from which it was adapted). Need I say more?

IMDB entry: No Country for Old Men

Genre: Crime, Thriller

If you enjoy symbolisms in movies, this one will be definitely liked. This movie at first viewing might also seem to be borderline meaningless. Until you get the symbolism of it all. That I got it only in the second viewing, is something that I will admit to frankly. Plus a second viewing is a must, to have a greater appreciation of this movie. It grows on you, like vintage wine or cheese.

Don't worry about the title, not yet. When the end credits roll you will totally get it. The movie follows a drug deal gone wrong in a remote Texas county. Moss (Josh Brolin), a smalltime plumber, stumbles onto the scene and walks away with the booty. However, there is a pyschopathic killer Chigurh (Javier Bardem) who is on the trail and will stop at nothing to get his money. There is also an old sheriff (Tommy Lee Jones) in the mix, who investigates the murders and is struggling to understand the gravity and deadly repercussions of the crime.

Sounds ordinary? It won't if you see it. On the outside it seems like the classic cat chasing mouse thriller but inside it questions the intentions of crimes we read about in the news, everyday. Crimes that have no motive. Crimes that are so maniacal, it is gut wrenching. And such a story, as seen through the eyes of the sheriff, tells it all. That we live in a world full of violence, that is unexplainable and unfathomable. And this is what the sheriff struggles with - to understand the psyche of Chigurh. 

The sight of Chigurh is menacing and sends chills down the viewers. And Javier Bardem just epitomizes evil in this character - a kind of lunacy that is hard to imagine or comprehend. This conversation from the movie substantiates Chigurh's description:

Man who hires Wells: [about Chigurh] Just how dangerous is he? 

Carson Wells: Compared to what? The bubonic plague? 

There were scenes where my hair stood up; seeing him walk with the cattle gun (he carries a shotgun cylinder that is used in slaughterhouses to kill cattle). My heart pounding when the sheriff goes back to the scene of crime in the motel and Chigurh is inches away from him. And that with no background score, an ominous silence (except for the creak of the footsteps and the sound of breath) made it as intense as it could get. For that and the unconventional storytelling, I have to give credit to the genius that is Coen brothers (The Big Lebowski, True Grit fame)

The problem with this movie is - either you like it or don't get it. Some things I appreciated on my second viewing is the way the Chigurh's character is given no justification - he is simply monster of a man - no explanations for his behavior. That good doesn't necessarily triumph over evil, all the time. That sometimes the unexpected of things can happen and you wouldn't see it coming (similar to the climax of this movie that jolts you for a moment and also leaves you confused). This movie is as good as it can get for a modern Western tale. But watch it closely to get its intricacies.

Interactive R learning site

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I am really bummed finding this site on Hacker News this morning. (Follow the comments there to find more dope)

Kind of like Code Academy for R (language).

This is a brilliant way to not just introduce you to R but give a peek at the power of visualizations using R. I am ploughing through the lessons and you should too.

For example I am right now visualizing a dormant New Zealand volcano in lesson 3. And a simple command in the interpreter gifts me with its 3D contour and heat map.

Full points to the folks behind it. Also clever of them to put plugs to relevant Oreilly resources:)

More power to data scientists!

Movie Recommendation: Senna

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Note: During a chance browsing, I bumped into this documentary on Netflix. Easily one of the best documentaries I have watched (more than once). A must watch, even for non-Formula One (F1) fans like me. Strongly recommended!

IMDB entry: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424432/

Genre: Documentary, Drama, Sports, Memoir

I am not a Formula One fan. I don't even watch the sport or follow any related news. My only reference to F1 is perhaps a name "Schumacher" and the word "McLaren" inscribed on my boyfriend's bike. So yes, that disclaimer was meant for everyone like me who knows nothing about the sport and doesn't care much about it. So imagine my surprise when I just felt so taken by this documentary on Senna. 

Ayrton Senna was a legendary F1 racer from Brazil, who had near mythic status in the world of Formula One. And this is a documentary spun over recorded events and archived footage of his life (I have a dislike for documentaries that are huge portions, reenacted). Parts of this documentary were so intense, it broke my heart. I now have a huge appreciation for F1 racing drivers and the sport.

The opening lines of the documentary nails the mood and story that is going to unfold as Senna's voice booms in the background:

"1978 I came to Europe the first time to compete outside Brazil in the world championship. It was pure driving, pure racing. There wasn't any politics. No money involved either. It was real racing."

It follows the struggles of Senna in the world of Formula One championships. From a young passionate driver to a cult figure, battling his arch nemesis Alain Prost, riding high on emotions and spirituality as an individual, fighting for the safety of drivers and yet fiercely competitive on the track purely out of love and passion for driving. The documentary with its haunting background score makes it a thrilling ride (ya pun intended but true to the word). You get a glimpse of behind the scenes of F1, as seen and experienced by Senna.

It is exciting to watch the rivalry between Senna and Prost and heartbreaking to watch the tragic climax. But what caught my attention (and will surely draw yours too) was his spirit. His raw passion and spirit to ride above controversies and hold his home country Brazil so close to his heart (he was deeply concerned and involved with finding hope for Brazil's poverty and economic instability), even though a large part of his life was spent living in Europe and pursuing a racing profession.

The scene that nearly made my eyes wet was the one from 1991 Brazil Grand Prix. (I was eating at the time and stopped chewing the food in my mouth). This was the first time he had won in his home country. And that, after beating all odds of driving a broken car and triumphantly waving the Brazilian flag on the win.

This movie is a perfect tribute to the icon that is Senna. And kudos to the director for not including re-enactments or third person interviews on Senna - they just break the narrative in a documentary. This is one of the major reasons why people who like movies (commercial ones) hate documentaries - because they are made boring by such distractions. The documentary is so well put together (thanks to its deft editing) that it is part sublime and part fascinating at times.

This is also a movie that will teach you a thing or two along the way. That nothing comes easy. That, come what may, you should never give up. That a sport can truly be a form of art or passion (because all he ever wanted to do was to race). That nothing can break a human spirit, so pure that it leaves behind a legacy called Senna.

Movie Recommendation: The Stoneman Murders

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Note: Because Talaash disappoints this week, I am going to recommend a lesser known Bollywood alternative to give you the chills. This one gives you the goosebumps and keeps you on the edge.

IMDB entry: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1183946/

Genre: Crime, Thriller, Suspense

This movie is based on the true life incident of serial killings in Bombay in the early 80's. Interestingly, this was never solved according to police records. The movie director gives his own spin (and conclusion) to this whodunit.

The movie dwells right into the crime in the initial 10 minutes. A pavement dweller is brutally killed (his head smashed by a stone) one night in the Matunga area of Mumbai. A local policeman who has been recently suspended sniffs a serial killing spree but the other policemen wave if off as a random killing on the streets. As suspected, there are numerous killings that follow and establish a pattern - the killings happen between hours of late night and dawn only and is targeted at the pavement dwellers. The suspended policeman thus continues to investigate about the murder, off duty. He sets out to gather evidence and prowls the streets in the night to prevent the killer from harming any more people. But he soon becomes a suspect after police find circumstantial evidence incriminating him. Who is the serial killer and why is he targeting only the pavement dwellers? What is the motive behind the killings? The movie solves these as it approaches the climax.

This movie is bone chilling. The pace is quick and keeps you on the edge. Except for the stray song in a bar, there are no such distracting interruptions in the movie. The underbelly of Mumbai - street dwellers, tramps, bar dancers and the flourishing businesses in the dark add to the mood - most of the movie is dark. There are several times where policeman and the killer run into each other. This makes the movie very racy. The conclusion is believable (backed up by a possible and practical reason for such brutal killings). However, it is not something new - this kind of a conclusion has been seen before in other movies and is rather the only weak point in an otherwise gripping thriller.

What can I say about Kay Kay Menon? As the suspended policeman who tries to solve the mystery, Kay Kay Menon shines and how! He has such formidable acting skills and is convincing as the trigger happy and reclusive cop. Contrastingly, Arbaaz Khan in a smaller role struggles. Rest of the cast does ok. The direction and editing is slick. This movie would have had more impact on a big screen, in fact. 

Overall, a good psychological thriller sure to be enjoyed by thriller movie fans. 

Being generous is ridiculously easy

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"Did you see that?", I ask my friend sullenly. 

"See what?", he shoots back. 

I replay how I just saw an old ailing couple, sitting on a pavement and sharing halves of what looked like an orange. As I recollect, I realize how cold I felt on the shaded street that winter evening. I couldn't help but wonder how tiny rags did any good for the homeless couple on that street.

It doesn't help much to discuss at length about such "obvious" things in India. Things that wrap me in pangs of guilt. Because we speak about them and easily forget. Like every time, I try to push out such gloomy thoughts out of my mind. But there is always a breadcrumb of trailing thoughts that follow me, eventually.

"There is so much I can do. There is so much I can give back. Then why am I not doing that?", I keep questioning myself. The feeling is unsettling at best. But I can easily distract myself through work, books or movies.

The next morning at work, I am vile about a news story that ran last night. I narrate to my co-worker about a group of cops (I think?) who defused couple of bombs in metropolitan Pune this year (with no body protection) and the government gave them 100 rupees (2 US dollars) as a reward, the story reported.

"Why? Why do we (Indians) put cricketers and celebrities on a pedestal and shower them with huge monetary rewards that they apparently don't even need, but we insult such acts of bravery? Why is a human life so cheap in India?". I seethe in anger as I eat my lunch. "I hate how we are so contradictory. And yet here we are eating a big lunch and watching a stupid cricket match.", I mutter under by breath as the match plays over a big LCD in the office cafetaria. (Two people across the table shoot me questioning glances. I was loud enough apparently.)

"You cannot think about everything at once", my lunchmate replies matter-of-factly.

I am furious and he does his best to calm me. We decide to take a walk and talk about it.

"We must do the really tiny things we can.", I say.

He nods in approval. "Did you see how much food is being wasted in the cafe?"

We have a whiteboard where the cafe team puts up the quantity of food wasted everyday. Data that embarrasses me. I again sulk in depression. 

He waves me aside and tells "That's the power of data. Unfortunately, that isn't leveraged to send the right signals to everyone. Do you know how many people are even taking notice of it or pausing to reflect over their food wastage?", he asks. I continue, "To bring out the real problems, we need both - data and insights that evoke a reaction from people." We both nod and sigh in approval.

Charity starts at home, they say. Do your bit, they say. But how many of us really do our bit? Yes, each of us have personal goals, commitments, promises to keep. But is giving back such a big deal at all? I think not.

I am now going to obsess over how much food I am wasting, or how much coffee I leave behind in the cup. This week I have decided to journal this. Yes, I want to quantify this. Yes, I want to be pedantic about this so I can take a stand for myself - That I will never waste food. Maybe I am selfish because am trying avenues to live up to my conscience. So be it. But the repercussions are plenty and unknown to us - for example an article that tries to demystify Why India can't feed its people put me on the edge once again. 

I think everyone knows and agrees that we don't have to be the Bill Gates of charity. We just need to our bit - our own acts of kindness and generosity. Because being generous, it seems to me, is ridiculously easy.

Movie recommendation: Stanley ka Dabba (Stanley's Lunch Box)

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Note: It takes a lot (for me) to like a kid-centric movie. Yes, I am heartless like that. It took me two times and undivided attention to even appreciate Taare Zameen Par. But this one is different. It is a winner from the get go.

IMDB Entry: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1907761/

Genre: Children, Family, Drama

If there is a movie that can connect to you in nostalgic ways, this is it. It brings back your school days. Of trivial fights, innocent friendships, crushes on teachers and the like. Plus, an important message delivered to the audience is the icing on the cake. Every movie story must connect with the audience, emotionally, for the greatest impact. And Stanley ka Dabba has this one in the bag.

Stanley is your average high school kid. He is bright, smart and a favorite among kids and his "Rosy" teacher. His friends share their lunches (tiffin boxes) with him since he doesn't get his own (his excuse is his mother is out of town so there is no one at home to prep his lunch box). Meanwhile a gluttony school teacher who teaches Stanley's class sets eyes on their substantial lunch boxes. Stanley's friends are not too happy about it and evade the teacher by changing their lunch spots everyday. But not too long, as the teacher soon understands that he is being tricked. Out of anger and humiliation he asks Stanley to attend school only when he can bring his own lunch box. Will Stanley get his own lunch box? What is the mystery behind his lunch box? This forms the rest of the story.

Without giving too much away, this is what works for the movie - a suspenseful precedent (why doesn't Stanley get his lunch box?), heartwarming high school moments, subtle digs at Indian teachers who emphasize rote over practical projects (yes, our education system is wrong in so many ways) and a surprising but impactful message at the end of the movie. You come to understand in the end that "dabba" (lunch box) was only used as a metaphor for the greater message it wants to get across.

Incidentally the director, Amole Gupte was also the writer for Taare Zameen Par (a film on dyslexic kids). And no, both movies have no similarities and neither is it a sequel (the kind of assumptions people make, uff!) In fact, he excels much more here with his storytelling that sounds far less preachy and yet has a far reaching message to deliver. A message that will leave you brooding for a couple of minutes after the movie ends. The genius lies in the honest treatment and the powerful climax that ties in with the story beautifully. 

It isn't every other day that you come across honest cinema with a good message. Sometimes I wonder why Bollywood movie folks are spending boat loads of money on insubstantial, brain-dead and purposeless stories when they could easily make a dozen such meaningful movies. Stanley ka Dabba proves that cinema can be both honest and entertaining at the same time. And for that you owe yourself (and your family) to watch it.

Plus heartstrings will be strummed. Guaranteed.

Flawbulous

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Yeah, I know. I just made up that word. Fits right in with the culture of "wannabes" we experience today. This is one of those days and without wasting any more time, I rant. 

This world can be seen as two sides of a coin. The two sides make up what I call - "Lazy is too much lazy and achievement is too less achievement". Lets decrypt the achievement side of the coin first. Because you know, it is easier to be bloody jealous of achievers. Haha. 

Day in and day out, I see countless kids in India getting pressured into stuff in the name of achievement. Because you know if you aren't a topper in the class, a world class sportsperson, eat the right food and dress the right way, you don't belong. Reminds me of this Chinese parent taunting his own kid on an ice skating rink, one cold winter evening. He kept snapping at his kid -  "You go right back and don't bother returning if you haven't done your routine X times". While, I am, you know struggling to keep it together on the rink and taking frequent "breaks". I can't believe what I am seeing and I am thinking - "Whatever happened to loosening up? Jeez!"

Anyway, so I know I don't belong in the land of overachievers. I was pretty average in grad school and didn't care much then. And then boom, I graduate and I am holding to a job. I am constantly bumping into smart kids at work. That leads me to think that there is no escaping this phenomenon. So I can imagine how pressured kids must feel in this godforsaken generation.

But there is so much evidence that all this pressure is leading nowhere. Atleast if you are taking all this pressure to your head. Which is what the majority do anyway. So a like-minded co-worker and I are comparing notes on all the toppers in our school. I mean really all that exam stress, tears and avoiding friends and experiences for what? For a drab corporate job? Thank God for Software Engineering, we tell each other. It is a great equalizer. We can't talk for other professions. But here, you are what you do. Not your school accolades and other pressure cooker stuff like that. 

But try explaining that to parents. *Crickets chirping*

Ok. So now that we have established (I think) that overachievement is leading to nowhere but the same corporate job (yes, you overachieving people you heard that right. Sorry to break your heart), we can move on to our other opposite side of the coin.

The favorite lazy world beset with oodles of boredom and idleness. Because you know, Einstein said a lot of these things like - "The monotony of a quiet life simulates the creative mind". And who are we to question a great mind like Einstein no?

So we are wallowing around in the cozy nest of laziness. Showing up in bursts and trying to meet deadlines. Other times we are just switching between watching reality TV and spraying graffitis all over social media on how excited we are about reading a book (that was probably the only book we read in the entire year). Einstein didn't mean this I am sure. Theory of relativity wouldn't exactly come out of just another lazy day. Yeah, I know acknowledging that is sort of unsettling. But it is the sad truth.

For once, either sides of the coin are taking us nowhere. In fact even all that charade about passion and following your passion is becoming a painful cliche these days. It is only adding fuel to all that confusion. The single most common sense (but not so common) answer arises. The problem is we never ever acknowledge our flaws or our vulnerabilities. 

You almost always never hear people say - "Oh yeah, I am fat. Check." or "Oh yeah, I am average. Check." You almost always hear people say - "Oh no, I am fat. I must die." or "Oh no, I am average. I am a failure."

Shame, you see, is the single most determining factor in our lives. And this is overpowering our abilities to make a dent in our worlds. Instead, we want to patronize those who we think are perfect. 

Perfect people are those who have embraced their flaws. Perfect people are not perfect, they are flawbulous. This is the only revealing fact we need to practice in our lives. This is the same trick Lady Gaga used when she posted her non-photoshopped pictures on the Web. This sounds like an anti-climax. But this is our only redeeming factor - for all those years of lives wasted, being ashamed, terrified and panicked about our flaws. 

In the end, there is only one way that coin can fall. Into the garbage, where it belongs. 

A Middle Class Indian's Dreams and Beyond

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Stranded at a traffic intersection in India, waiting for the traffic lights to change, strangely gives you a small window of time. Time when you are not peering at your phone. It is eerily relaxing. Until your gaze follows to the roadside troop of hawkers, beggers and homeless children. As they go about their business with the agility of a superhero, you cannot help but wonder what happens after the day ends. Where do these people go? What kind of lives do they live? 

For some reason, Indians are desensitized to the poor in a way that is very complicated to explain to outsiders. The truth is the middle class Indians perceive this in a different way - a kind of fear internalized inside them as they grew up - that they could end in poverty just like the infinite homeless on the roads. A fear that drives their dreams of a home, car, bank balance and a well paid job, that it makes them look at the poor in disgust and fear. And India has probably one of the fastest growing middle class population in the world.

Over the last couple of decades, the baseline expectations of middle class Indian parents have been roughly the same - a good college education, marriage at the "right" age, a job in a multinational company, a decent home for living and a healthy retirement plan. The path has been set in stone, from the time of birth till retirement. This kind of thinking is not new even in countries other than India. This is how the middle class milieu functions.

However, India thrives on a different tangent. A co-worker recently suggested how India is not truly democratic, secular, socialist or republic. We are a heady mix - a little of everything. Our policies and decisions are driven by an indecisiveness and our inability to take a stand. And that is a dangerous place to be in. Unfortunately, the middle class India survives unaware of the repercussions of such a dangerous phenomenon.

Take for instance a recent trend in the cities - the dream of living in a gated community. Billboards across the cities splashed with adverts of a high rise sanctuary, conveniences that rival those of the Western world - large pools, tennis courts, retail stores, 24/7 alarm systems and surveillance - the promise of an America within India. 

"You wont even have to step out to buy groceries. They will deliver them to your door. We are also building mini movie halls and nightclubs for your private parties", said a building contractor to me once, trying to sell a high-rise apartment.

"But this place has the most acute water problem", I said in reply.

"That is everywhere madam", he replied almost instantly.

In that one instant, it all came back to me with amazing clarity. No matter how much money a middle class Indian makes, we are still very much a part of India that is plagued by power outages, water scarcity, deep-rooted corruption and a serious lack of security for women. You cannot avoid the filth and chaos of India by secluding yourself in a high rise building and working out of air-conditioned luxury cars or offices. These things will come back to bite you sooner or later. And you will not even know what hit you.

Like I said, this is a dangerous place to be in. This is a bubble of a different kind. Not recession, not technology bubble. But a bubble of inequality, ignorance and indifference that will pull us all in the path of a storm that threatens to destroy the pseudo Indian economy we are building. No amount of high quality graduates, high rise buildings or FDI boom is going to save us from this impending destruction.

We have forgotten what it is to be middle class. Middle class of the 60's and 70's was not just raising the income levels of families through hardwork. It was about hardwork with honesty, integrity and self-respect that no longer exists in modern day India. We used to live a life of values and cherish our sense of community and togetherness. If our neighbor's house was attacked, we stood up and said "No this is wrong and we will fight together". Now we don't even know our neighbors.

We now take pride in doing "wrong things" - like littering the street, driving arrogantly on roads, treating women like secondary people - and giving an excuse that "Why do we care when others don't?"

The problem lies in the way we have contorted our traditional values and culture. 

If a woman wears a Western outfit, you brand her as a "slut". You say India is conservative and this is not "allowed" in Indian culture. But when the same woman is assaulted, it is her fault. Now imagine that woman was from your family. How does it change your perception now? Of what use are the great Indian values if you have forgotten to treat your own people with respect?

The problem lies in our infinite tolerance to everything and our negative digs at people who do the right thing.

Parents and teachers now teach you to do the "silent" thing. To pull yourself away from epicenter of problems. If it is not a problem that concerns you directly, you have no business getting involved. If you do, you will be victimized and demoralized by the very people who taught you to be "silent". 

The problem lies in looking only at the big picture.

How many times have you heard the "common man" in India say - "Nothing is going to happen to this country. Our government is the most corrupt and our economy is dying". Now count how many times you have failed to do your job as a citizen? How many times did you toss that cigarette or paper or coke tin on the road? How many times did you fail to cast your vote? How many times did you manipulate your tax returns? How many times did you bribe your way through things that probably could be done the right way? How many times have you parked in a no-parking zone? We look at problems at the high level and fail to understand how little problems like these amass to become such big problems.

The solution does not lie in ranting about things in social media. We need to go back to basics, to our roots. About things that were written in our holy scriptures. About doing your duty, the right way. About treating people with respect and fighting tooth and nail for your community. About teaching your children the right values. About calling a spade a spade.

Forget the government, forget the local goons, forget the trash, corruption, crime, scandals. Own your roots, the true middle class way. And make a difference. This is going to take generations to make a real dent in the top. But forget even that. Your goal right now should be to do "the right thing", in whatever ways you can. Declare war on things you know you can set right.

Patriotism is not about celebrating a World Cup win or a war with Pakistan, it is about owning our civic responsibilities every single day. Anyone who is not doing his job is your enemy and is a threat to your community.

If you are overwhelmed by the gravity of this all - think about it. As a middle class Indian, we have always had hoops to jump. If we can navigate through a tedious process of acquiring higher education, arranged marriage, preparing and winning coveted jobs, getting a drivers license, taking house loans and making our way through the US visa process etc., why can't we do this?

There is only one thing standing in our way i.e failing to live by the values we have been taught. As the fastest growing population of young and smart minded people, we are frighteningly clueless when it comes to "core values" - the only thing that can and will make a difference to what happens in this country. 

Movie recommendation: Teen Deewarein (Three Walls)

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Note: I had no expectations of this movie. In fact, I wanted to catch a bit of Hyderabad Blues today. I was surprised that Teen Deewarein was the only movie of Nagesh Kukunoor's that I haven't watched. So I gave it a shot. And boy was I surprised!

IMDB Entry: Teen Deewarein (Three Walls)

Genre: Crime, Suspense, Drama

I love watching experimental cinema. I like to give myself a break from the usual, predictable Bollywood plots. That's when I lookout for some offbeat movies like this one. Of course, the more non-Bollywood it is, the more patience you need. Sometimes these movies don't end well and you are left with a bitter taste. This movie is definitely not one of those. The plot is unfolded slowly but it all ties in well and makes sense in a revealing climax.

This is a story of three prisoners facing a death sentence and a filmmaker (Juhi Chawla) who wants to shoot a documentary of their lives in the prison. Each of them have murdered a woman in their life. As Juhi gains trust of each of these men, their stories unfold and give us a perspective of their circumstances. Since all of the movie is inside a prison, you get a glimpse of what goes on in an Indian prison. What happens inside the prison and how Juhi turns around their lives forms the rest of the story.

Jackie Shroff, Naseeruddin Shah and Nagesh Kukunoor play the three prisoners and fit into their roles perfectly. Naseeruddin Shah gets the meatiest role - he plays a small time crook who is also a smooth talker and has escaped several prisons before. Jackie doesn't get much footage, but he is good in the limited role he has. Nagesh Kukunoor is a natural when it comes to playing a Hyderabadi, so this was an easy part for him. Juhi is a revelation! I have never thought of her as a "serious" actress - she was wasted in far too many ridiculous roles in her career and wish she did more of such roles. Because she is indeed a fine actress. The first 30 minutes of the movie runs at a slow pace. It continues in the same pace, but characters and events are blended well in the rest of the movie that you forget the pace after some time.

To a careful viewer, you will get subtle hints throughout the movie on what might happen later. Although the end isn't shocking, it wasn't predictable either. The twist at the end neatly ties in with the the story - i.e nothing in the movie happens without a reason. The fresh take at storytelling surprised me. Definitely a few shades of Tarantino style screenplay - with crime scenes switched in and out as the prisoners open up to Juhi; like pieces of a puzzle fitting together. The dialogues have been written in a mix of Hindi, English and Hyderabadi slangs to give authenticity to the characters - which I liked. Jackie's poetry on life and prison remind me of Red's narration in The Shawshank Redemption. 

There are a few scenes that can be hard to watch for an average Indian cinema lover. And definitely not recommended for family watching. The movie runs like a short film (under 2 hours duration) and this keeps the movie on track without swaying too much away from the main plot. i.e it fits in subjects like adultery, domestic abuse, prison hardships, love and betrayal etc.

This movie might not be a Shawshank Redemption in terms of impact, but it definitely proves that there are so many talented directors in Bollywood who can tell a story and an original one at that. A must watch if you are willing to take a break from Bollywood masala movies.

Movie Recommendation: Manorama Six Feet Under

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Note: I love mystery thrillers! Of late, very few movies in Bollywood are of this genre. The latest I have liked was Kahaani. So imagine my surprise when I bump into one of those lesser known, offbeat thrillers in Bollywood. What a treat!

IMDB Entry: Manorama Six Feet Under

Genre: Mystery, Suspense, Thriller

Firstly, I would like to say, if you are expecting too much action, big star cast and some Bollywood style melodrama and production values, you might as well stay clear of this movie. Although I do consider Abhay Deol as not only a big star but a seal of approval for offbeat movies (going by his track record of Dev D, Oye Lucky Lucky Oye, Ek Chaalis ki Last Local...). So if you are willing to consider an offbeat, suspense movie in a rustic setting, look no more. This is one of those niche movies.

The movie takes place in a sleepy town of Lakhot, Rajasthan. Abhay Deol plays Satyaveer, a bored middle class resident who works at the local municipality as a Junior Engineer. His wife Nimmi (played by Gul Panag), plays a nagging housewife who loves her TV serials and taunts his husband for the middle class lifestyle. Satyaveer's passion is writing but unfortunately his first book "Manorama" (a detective novel) reminds him of his failure as a writer (the book sells only 200 copies). He is so disappointed by its failure, that he does not own even a single copy of his own book. One day, he is approached by a minister's wife, also called Manorama (played by Sarika) who is suspicious that her husband is having an extra marital affair. She pays him to investigate as a private detective and take pictures of his affair, so she can gather evidence about his adultery. 

What follows is an intriguing plot where Satyaveer gets implicated in a double homicide, suicide of Manorama and a missing girl child from a local orphanage. The rest of the plot is how he connects the dots and solves the mystery.

Abhay Deol, is definitely one of the most underrated actors in Indian film industry. He gives life to the character of Satyaveer - both as a passionate detective and as a disappointed writer and husband. The rural setting of the Rajasthan town works well for the story and gives an authentic feel. The movie is slow at times, but picks up pace in the second half. The movie has plenty of good old fashioned detective thrills to it and also at the same time keeps you guessing - very unpredictable storyline. The movie runs on the stellar performances from Abhay Deol, Gul Panag and the supporting cast. I was surprised to see Nawazuddin Siddiqui in an insignificant role as a local goon - but I guess he got more popular only after Kahaani and Gangs of Wasseypur. He is definitely an actor to watch out for.

This movie is not fast paced so it is not a stylish action thriller and nor is it a modern one at that. It is a simple story with the right amount of creepiness and mystery that will keep you hooked if you are ok with its slackish pace in the first half. But I also think that is one of the reasons that make a mystery movie worth a watch - the slow unfolding of characters and sub-stories that add to the plot make it intriguing and suspenseful. Plus, this movie is set in a small town and going by that it has to be slow and uneventful. As a middle class Indian, I could really connect with some social issues that stand out in the movie - the way your neighbors pry on your privacy, small town corruption, greed and the rich poor inequality.

The movie, it seems is inspired by Roman Polanski's Chinatown (I haven't seen that movie yet), but I really don't care because the storytelling has been adapted perfectly for an Indian setting. This movie is a must-watch for mystery buffs! 

Is literacy rate the answer to everything?

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Not long ago, there was a discussion at work about the direct co-relation of literacy rate with sex ratio in India. The premise being that higher literacy rate meant higher sex ratio (because the literate did not discriminate against female child). This is not true always. In fact, it is opposite in some cases.

For eg: Haryana has been in news for a higher crime rate against women and the declining female sex ratio. The literacy rate in Haryana (76.64%) is higher than my home state of Andhra Pradesh (67.66%) and yet the sex ratio in Haryana (877 females for every 1000 males) is much lesser than Andhra Pradesh's (992 females for every 1000 males).

This data is picked up from India's Census Website and represents the year 2011.

Movie Recommendation: 500 Days of Summer

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Note: You know how when someone asks you during lunch table conversation - "What's your favorite movie?" and you are taken aback. Because you know you have seen so many damn good movies, but cant seem to remember even one, at the time! Well, this one counts as one of my favorite movies...and will remember to mark it so in my memory :)

IMDB Entry: 500 Days of Summer

Genre: Romantic Comedy

This movie is pretty much summed up by its opening lines:

"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story."

I will be honest, the first time I saw this movie I didn't think much of it. But the second time I saw, I realized it was cleverly made for a rom-com movie. I have been a rom-com movie fan for a long time. Specially the Nora Ephron kinds. (You know, The Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail types?) The type that leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling. Of late, I have lost interest in this genre. Because every movie in this genre is a rehash of known rom-com hits. So if you are a man and reading this right now, don't stop reading. Because this movie is nothing like a usual rom-com that focusses only on girls and their fairy tale stories. Yes, it has the "cute" moments, but equal parts of the movie are also focussed on the guy. And here it is the guy who believes in true love, marriage and happy ever after.

Joseph-Gordon Levitt plays Tom, your average guy next door, passing away his time in a greeting card company where he devices corny captions for cards. Although he is an aspiring architect, he is quite comfortable leading his life this way. He strongly believes he will meet his true love someday. The new copier girl, Zooey Deschanel as Summer, arrives and Tom believes she's the one for him. The two start dating.

The movie also follows a very non-linear narrative,  journaling 500 days of their relationship - which I thought was a refreshing way of narrating a story. Because really in life and relationships, all things bittersweet are non-linear. You go through highs and lows, laughs and fights and they are never really coherent. The movie is sprinkled with songs (yes! kinda like Bollywood movies) that gives it a "Glee" like look in parts. But they aren't disruptive and flow well with the narrative. In fact, some of the songs (I never heard of before), became my favorites from this movie.

There are a few elements that work in this movie -  its "close to reality" portrayal of a relationship that starts from the blossoming of love to periods of confusion and fights due to the pair's diametrically opposite views on love. This movie will relate with guys who have gotten their hearts broken and eventually went after their dreams and moved on.

The lead actors share a great chemistry - so believable that at some point in the movie, you really want their relationship to work out. The cinematography is brilliant and well thought out. For example, in one of the songs the color coordination is blue to match Zooey's blue eyes.



All said, in every movie I look for a story and the storytelling. And I think this movie was a good attempt in telling the usual love story in a clever way - heartbreaking and hopeful, just like life. This movie definitely grows on you - I have liked it more the second or the third time I watched. 

And no, I don't think Summer is a b****. What did you think?

iTerm2 + Tmux Integration

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I often "ssh" to remote servers from my Macbook and have found tmux (terminal multiplexer) to be invaluable. This saves me a lot of anxiety about disconnected remote sessions. 

However, I use iTerm2 (replacement for OS X Terminal) and have always wanted for tmux to work within iTerm2. You can read all about the iTerm2 and tmux integration and why this integration helps.

Here are notes on how you can install tmux to work with iTerm2. Assumption is that you have iTerm2 already setup on Mac:

Movie Recommendation: Little Miss Sunshine

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Note: So I ate too much food tonight (read "fried food") and I am still awake and this germ of an idea comes to mind. Why not blog about movies I have seen and liked? You know, like the lesser known ones. So this is my first entry - let's see how far I keep this act going :)

IMDB entry: Little Miss Sunshine
Genre: Drama, Comedy

Image Courtesy: Fan art from fanpop.com

Once in a while I come across movies that I know nothing about and yet the title makes me all judgmental about it. I mean, Little Miss Sunshine. What do you expect? Some sappy, teenage romance or children book adaptation? You will be glad to know this isn't anything like that.

This takes an unexpected theme and weaves an intimate story around a dysfunctional family that comes together for their little daughter 'Olive' who has qualified for a beauty pageant called "Little Miss Sunshine". The family takes a road trip from Albuquerque to California (the venue for the pageant) in a beat-up van, so they can get Olive in time for the finals.

A grandfather addicted to crack and adult magazines, who cusses every time he speaks, an homosexual uncle who has attempted suicide, a father obsessed with an idea for a book on "winning", an overworked mother and a brother who has pledged silence and only communicates in the written word with the family - It cant get more dysfunctional than this. There is a scene in the movie where the van gets pulled over by the cops and the father says - "Everybody pretend to be normal" 



Through the trip, they face many troubles, live through each other's eccentricities; but quickly learn to rely on each other's support to get to the pageant. Olive and family, survive setbacks but are caught unawares when it becomes apparent that a beauty pageant for little girls can be as pretentious as the ones for adults. Will the plain and chubby looking Olive make it in the finals of the beauty contest?

The climax was one of the most unexpected yet delightful endings I could have envisioned for a movie like this. The casting is impeccable. At first look, the characters appear weird, but you start to feel one with them as the movie progresses. To a great extent, the movie signifies how people judge others by their appearance, their tastes, likes and dislikes. Perhaps, that is the reason, the movie mixes in eccentricity in the characters. You might not identify with the characters, but you know each of them has a purpose in the story.

My favorite character in the movie was the brother - Dwayne. He doesn't speak as he has taken a vow of silence until he gets into the Air Force. Towards the end of the movie, he shares a private moment with his uncle and vents out his frustration at the pageant venue -  

You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest. 

Make no mistake - this not your usual cross country road trip sort of a movie. Nor is it all artsy and unrealistic. It might not even grab your eyeballs in the beginning. You will need to give it time to grow on you. But once you catch the pulse of the movie, it leaves you with a profound feeling on topics so diverse - family, death, dreams, setbacks - you will be craving to see what happens next. 

And no matter what, please don't miss the climax! :)

The No-Regrets Policy

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Sometimes (ok, most of the times) I get up in the morning and jump right into the morning rush. No prayers, no thank you's, no good mornings, no nothing. I am snoozing till the last nano second and then I am jumping out of the bed, right into the shower.

Not good.

The whole concept of a morning ritual struck me odd, for a really long time. My inner voice kept saying - "Really, look at that. All the fools going through an elaborate time in the morning doing stuff, when they could actually catch some precious snooze time." You know inner voice, you were wrong, all the way. The essence behind morning rituals is to look at yourself, reflect and set the pace for the day. I ask you, how many times has it happened that a bad start to the day resulted in a productive rest of the day? Zero, I can bet. Because you didn't set the tone for your day. You didn't speak to your mind and tell "Hey mind, I have done good so far. I am healthy, happy and wise so I thank God and family and friends for all the good things. Today is going to be rocking, as usual."

And then there is this whole "looking back" business. You know, looking back is always a tricky thing. You focus so much on the negatives, the wrong stuff that has happened. If only, that certain something, event or incident didn't happen.

Let me tell you something today. "If only" are the two most dangerous words. Ever.

Because you are looking at yourself in the mirror and saying things like -

"If only, my skin didn't break into pimples all the time."

"If only, I was not fat like this."

"If only, I hadn't splurged like that on food or shopping or whatever last night."

"If only, I had performed good enough to get that promotion at work."

"If only, I knew I was such an idiot then."

"If only, I didn't get into this relationship."

You get the drift. 

The problem with regretting is it continues in an infinite loop. Never ending self-inflicting physical and mental pain, becomes a habit. There are probably a thousand times when I said - "No I am not going to regret and feel self-pity." But you give up fighting and jump right into the regret loop. Because your mind is tuned to that.

Now, how the hell am I supposed to break this loop you ask?

I think, the answer (like everything else), lies in the way we form habits. By habits, I simply mean small changes. Instead of telling "I am not going to regret, why not form some habits that are going to change the regret filled regret behavior?"And that is why this whole brouhaha about morning rituals. Because really the people who are getting up in the morning a little early, and praying and spending time with family and kids or just meditating aren't fools. They are performing, right there, the ritual that breaks the regret loop (perhaps even unintentionally). 

The problem with rushing through your morning is you really give no time for your mind to find and hook onto something that will help you through a possibly nasty day. Then you are jumping from one task to another. You are getting sucked into the vortex of emotions that will make or break your day, without your permission (unbelievable how something else controls your life!). Is that how you want your life to be? Give it up, for some unknown entity to drive it. And then do self-bashing about things you could have achieved. If only?

Of course, looking back itself is not a one stop solution to regret. In fact it can morph into the problem itself. Because either you could look back and tell "Hey, I had a crappy X no. of years so far. What did I achieve?" or tell "Hey, I had the most beautiful X years so far. Beautiful and nasty experiences that have shaped my personality and I am ready for all the challenges"

So looking back is good, only to take you forward. The answer then, lies in habits - like the morning ritual. It sets the tone for your day. Even if it means 5 minutes of waking up early and counting your blessings, do it. Do it every single day. Don't break that chain. Slowly see that turn into a habit - like brushing your teeth or tying your shoe laces. It becomes mechanical and becomes a part of you. If need be, get someone to be your support system - friend, spouse, family, colleague, whoever. Someone who reminds you to get back in line. To keep your regret-free conditioning intact.

Regret is the single most evil thing that has happened to humans. It just gets worser and worser if ignored. I am a victim and I am stage three (no this is not even funny). I am ready to fight this, head on. 

It is astonishing how this whole "escape from stress and regret" thing is a multi billion dollar business. 

No amount of indefinite vacation or a 5 day yoga retreat is going to change your habit of regret. The only change that will make a dent in this is change - slow, consistent and sustainable change. 

You need to say to yourself - "Today is the most important day of my life. And I wont let it pass in regret for something that is already gone by. For some bullshit that you wouldn't even remember a few days from now."

If only I never used the two words - If only. (See I did that again! Regretting like that)

What Japanese anime can teach us

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My first introduction to Japanese anime happened when I visited a friend's place in Monterey. The place was breathtaking and homely at the same time (unlike the parts of California that people usually visit like San Francisco or Los Angeles). During this time, we spent most of our time doing fun little things - taking a stroll by the beach, cooking authentic Mexican dishes, eating Korean seafood rolls, discussing Steinbeck (who was a Monterey resident) and when night came, watching Japanese animation movies on VHS. Yes, VHS! It was very unlikely of me to choose animated movies as an evening watch, leave alone Japanese anime. 

Since I was not too keen, my friend had to trick me into liking anime. I had heard of Naruto and other Manga characters and the cult following it had in the States. But I was never inclined to give it a shot.

She was finding it difficult to choose between Princess Mononoke and Grave of the Fireflies. And then she chose the latter. Although she did warn me that Grave of the Fireflies is unlike most of the other Japanese anime (live action figures, magic castles, witches and spells and such). I, on the other hand, didn't bother since they all felt same to me at that time. And I gave in since her whole family was getting excited to watch the movie that night (apparently they watched it dozens of times already)

Grave of the Fireflies

Now, let me tell you how surprised and moved I was by the end of the movie. Grave of the Fireflies is about a brother and his little sister struggling to live in a World War II struck Japan. It was easily one of the most heartbreaking stories I ever watched. It is not easy to pour in words the kind of feelings it left me with. It took me a week to shake it off (and I am not even exaggerating). I have seen a lot of war movies and blood and gore, but this kind of storytelling was leagues ahead of them all.  Because it gets personal and leaves a deep influence on how you view the world around you. Most of the Hollywood movies, you blink and forget. Don't get me wrong I love Pixar movies, they are brilliant, but Japanese anime elevates stories to a personal level - the amount of soul, depth, authenticity and honesty, that is missing even in Pixar animations.

Since it left on me such a deep impression, my friend (a big fan of Hayao Miyazaki) insisted that I watch rest of his movies after I go back home. She lent me half a dozen DVDs of his movies and I was hooked for life. 

Now, this is the thing about Japanese anime (and in particular Miyazaki's) - it engages you so much through its simple storytelling that you feel one with it. I was pleasantly surprised by how every script subtlely weaves the importance of family and values with the theme of the story. They touch so many diverse topics - about growing up, respecting elders, being polite (even to strangers), not being judgmental, keeping faith, working hard, pursuing your dreams and cherishing life, no matter what.

Nowhere in the story I felt that they were making an effort to teach such important lessons. It just magically left me inspired on so many levels. Sometimes, I wonder if these movies left such an impact on me, then they most definitely should be made mandatory. Specially for children and teenagers who are at such an impressionable age.

Whisper of the Heart

When I watched Whisper of the Heart, for the first time ever, I was left inspired after watching a movie on teen romance! I mean who would have thought that could happen? Teen romance and inspiration - that is possible only in a Miyazaki tale.

Every scene, every moment depicted true to life - the emotions of first day at school to developing a crush on a boy, of friendships and trivial fights, studying for exams, the way the sky looks (and the rainbow) after it has rained, the smell of earth, the sound of crickets on a warm summer night, the way we nurture innocent dreams for our future, the infinite expectations your parents have of you, your journey of self discovery. A million such emotions in a 120 min length feature film is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

Seriously how much of that do you see in Hollywood or Bollywood movies? It is either mindless charade of popularity contests or excessive bullying or fancy product and brand placements and very little emphasis on how kids are sorting through their dreams, their everyday experiences and family relationships. What is with the culture of wannabes and trying to make premature adults out of kids, instead of letting them bloom in their creativity?

Apart from the story, the accompanying artwork and animation leaves me amazed  - it can't get more beautiful than this. Moments so stirring and wonderful, that they leave a lump in my throat. It makes me think why didn't anyone introduce me to these movies, a little earlier in my life? And for that, I am forever indebted to my friend.