Yesterday

Tweet

Got up early - long hot bath - prayed - cooked radish sambar - ate oatmeal with blueberries and ground flax seeds - checked mails - talked to dad - talked to A - went to haymarket - bargained with the rude vendors - got cheated with a moldy berry package - got half a dozen great oranges for 1$ - came down to MIT - called up D - went to Central Square - ate at Middle East restaurant - walked to Harvard Sq - sat down and chatted for sometime at the dorms - got mistook as Harvard students (secretly enjoyed for looking like 'Ivy League' students) - went to AMC - laughed out and howled the F word while watching Hangover - went to JP Licks and got a fresh peach ice cream over waffle cone - walked back to Harvard :p - reflected over life's truths (cheesy? no, nice:) - hopped back to the subway - went to Cambridge - traveled back to Symphony hall - did laundry - talked to A - slept :)

Rainy day blues..

Tweet

It has been raining outside so much here. sigh..
I am not a rain person, and that too if it is raining for so many days, then what's the point x-(
This reminds me of those cozy days at home in Hyderabad. Showers in Hyd are unpredictable..It jus turns humid and then there are rains. I really miss working at my old job (although I always complained about how routine it was) in Hyd. At times like these, I would just get out of my cube and eat a snack outside in the rains :) Friends and family made so much difference. Even rains seemed very welcoming to me in their presence. (Like I said, I really really hate rains.)

Rainy days were excuses to take the day off from work, relax at home, sit on the porch with hot tea and Marie biscuits and talk to dad about mundane stuff. Either bitch about how uncivilized our neighbors were (haha! so cool;)), or that evil politician who was involved in scams, or anti-Gandhi discussions or simply target mom and speak about how we enjoyed English movies on HBO more than her favorite Sun TV..LOL. At which point, she would just storm out on the pretext of buying groceries or cooking in the kitchen. She could never argue and she never will, specially when Dad and I become a combined force. Only to come back from the groceries with a wet umbrella and find us in our own rooms..she would come to me and ask "What happened? Another fight?" and I would say "Yeah, your goddamn husband thinks his opinion cannot be questioned. Go ask him what happened.". Which she would find out eventually and wont make sense out of why we got all personal and offensive about some XYZ politician and his XYZ reforms and how we each thought diversely about that subject.

Anways, coming back to the topic of Rains. :) It was a frequent joke among my friends, that if I took my bike out it would rain. LOL. It often happened that when I went out to catch a movie while friends waited on me at the theatre, it rained. Or if I simply wanted to eat "chaat", it rained. Or if I went to give my bike for servicing, it rained. Rains! So fond of me, and yet I am so NOT fond of rains..

Today, seems one such day, when I can see the rains and recollect all those experiences. I once drove so fast in the rain with A just to catch a movie..strong winds, heavy rains and I drove like crazy with my eyes almost shut!! It all sounds so incredible to me now. I just MISS all of it now. Most of the rainy day memories are still that, memories..I have never been able to relive them, since then..

How to be super productive?

Tweet

- Focus on one thing at a time
- Always plan ahead. It's ok, if your plan cannot be executed sometimes. At least you knew what you were going to work on.
- Stay away from the Internet for long periods of time (unless your profession demands that you stay online :))
- Feeling sleepy? Take a walk, exercise (take a flight of stairs, do some lunges at your desk!), wash your face or just talk to your co-worker/friend/family.
- Reward yourself once you get your work done, as planned. Celebrate!
- Learn to say NO (not always). Prioritizing is important.
- Appreciate what you achieved so far and don't stress yourself about something that could not be achieved. Stay consistent and you will be productive.
- Take someone's help. Don't be "stuck" for too long. Give help, take help.

A walk with a friend

Tweet

..is amazing!

I met this friend of mine today at Boston. She came down to see her bro and we thought, well, lets catch up.

We walked all the way to Charles River and then caught some ice cream at JP Licks. If you are ever at Boston or Cambridge and you are this ice cream person or just want to try an ice cream, you totally totally have to try this one out! Their menu is amazing! Of course, take a small portion. Be kind to your body:) I tried the coconut almond chip (I didn't know tender coconut strips go so well with ice cream!)
LOL.

Anyway, so she said how she finds me funny. I said "Hmm, why?"

And she goes...its your "delivery". I said "what?"

So well, I sort of discovered that I am funny and I crack people up.
LOL. Maybe so, because the things I told her about were sort of funny, if not hilarious.

Like she had bruises on her knew, toes and elbows. And here goes the conversation.

Adri: So I fell over this pavement sort of thing..
Me: Yeah I was wondering...what the heck you been doing?

Adri: Ya, see I have a mark here. Do you have any mark, like from birth Manju?
Me: Hmm, well ya. Not birth.

(And I point to two spots on my limbs)

Me: Funny story
Adri: LOL. Tell me.

Me: My dad had a moped sort of a thing, you know. Back in the 80's in India, pretty usual to see them on roads. They have open engines and wheels like the motor bikes.
I once kept ma hand on the engine to see how "heat" feels like.
Adri (cracked up by now): Whatttttttttt?

Me: Yeah, and my mom asks why did you do that when you know its hot. I said "But well I didn't know how much of hot is hot."

Adri: LOL

Me: And this one on my ankle..I kept my feet into the wheel when my dad was driving.
And then screamed because the skin was peeling off. The sort where you put a pencil in a sharpener...

Adri: Nooooooooooooo

Me: Yep. 'coz I wanted to know what it "feels" like putting your leg into a moving wheel. Felt hard.lol.

------------------------

Adri: Hey I called you last night and you picked up and spoke nothing..
Me: Ya I do that. When my phone rings in the night, while I am sleeping, I usually think its the alarm and switch it off.
Adri (totally cracked up on this) : LOL

-------------------------

Adri: How many kids you wana have?
Me(instantly): 3
Adri: That was too quick. So you thought abt it?
Me: Yep.
Adri: What gender?
Me: 2 girls one guy
Adri: Guy older or younger
Me: Older
Adri: So first one is a guy?
Me: Yep

(I think anyone who would have heard us behind the lawns where we sat down, would have thought we were two young expecting mommies for sure.)

Adri: Girls huh...what will happen of them?
Me: What you mean?
Adri: I mean they wont be girl like...you are not the girl kind. So who is gona take care of them
Me: A
Adri: aah!
Me: Yep;)

----------------------
Adri: So there was this silly Asian girl who went to school with my bro.
Me: Ok.

Adri: And she like runs all the time...loves running
Me: hmm

Adri: And she runs at odd hours...She came down here (charles river walk) one night at 3 am to run and didnt return
Me: Wot!

Adri: So ya, my bro and friends worried and went down to search for her. They find her sleeping on a bench.
Me: Gosh, what a freak..

Adri: Listen up, she said she felt tired with all the running so found a spot on a bench and slept.
Me (Sarcastically): How cool is that :p
--------------------

Evening well spent. I wish I took pictures though, of us since I don't meet Adrienne so often. Damn, I should get an iphone! :)

The good, the bad and the ego..

Tweet

Yeah,that's right. Every time I fight with dad, I fight with A..(yeah, thats right only two people have been favorited so far for fights;)) a huge part of that fight is my big, bloated three letter evil companion called EGO.

Sample trails -

Me: Hey
Dad: Hello, how is everything

Me: Nice. For you?
Dad: I sprained my leg recently.

Me: Whaaaaaaaaaat?
Dad: Fell off a ladder.

Me: Great. Why not jump off a cliff?
Dad: (silence)

Me: No really, try that. Ladders are not enough for you anymore, are they?
Dad: So when are you coming here?

Me: So what now, are you your own doctor or have you even bothered to go find one?
Dad: It will be alright.

Me: Don't expect me or mom to take care of you
Dad: (silence)

Me: Nobody ever listens to me..

blah blah blah..FIGHT Manju FIGHT says my ego.

-----------------------------------------------

A: Heyyy wassup?
Me: What? (Apparently, someone showed me their ego so I am showing mine to A. Dumb ego!)

A: I just ate dosa..hehe
Me: So?

A: Its your favorite na..
Me: OK

A: You know that guy XYZ is getting married to that girl we know..blah blah
Me: Yeah woteva.

A: Did you call home?
Me: Why?

A: To talk :p
Me: Nope

A: Hmm, so what are you doing?
Me: Why do you care?

blah blah blah...fight.

FIGHT Manju FIGHT!

PS:

My dear Ego,

Get the hell out of me, take a vacation. Get lost in the Atlantic while coming back.

Hate you,
Manju

Greetings..

Tweet

..are what we learn when we are kids and unlearn when we grow into adults.

(although, you can be assured that I am again getting into one of my "complaining" mode I really am itching to write this down)

How many people wake up in the morning and say "Good morning" to your roommates or whoever it is that you see first? I mean, whats wrong with the greeting? It doesn't cost you anything, does it? It is ridiculous how people don't smile back at you or are too darn involved in their tensions everyday.

Even something as small as not being able to place your room keys in the morning frustrates you and you storm out of the door in a bad mood. You go walking on the way and don't care to smile at people you meet on the way. Agreed, it really creeps people out if you smile too much (Smiling at strangers is too dangerous in this damned world, so don't try that.) But would you care to greet at least the people you know or have met before..?

I am no judge. I am victim to such things myself. Because honestly there are several trivial things that get me upset. I end up yelling at A and throwing mood tantrums at him and feel guilty later. It all boils down to these things.

- Let go of small things. They hurt you more if you don't let go

- Always always smile and greet people. It doesn't cost you much. And please don't stare at people who wish you, like they just stabbed you..return that smile for god's sakes!

- Try to be as honest as possible to people. Honesty and integrity are two things that make your character. We all lie, but we should not lie at least to those whom you care about.

- If you are in a bad mood, talk talk talk..talk to someone who understands you well. Carrying it over till end of the day is the worst thing you can do. It hurts you and everyone around :(

Do whatever, but don't forget that smile in your life. Keeps everyone happy:)

Reality TV

Tweet

Ok, what the heck has gone into MTV.

I remember the days when I used to come back from school and watch
MTV Most Wanted. There was something called "quality" to the shows they aired.
And now its all about bickering and swearing on national TV which they
call candidly as "Reality TV"

The most shocking thing - get a bunch of young (really young) teen girls
on a show they call "Teen Diva" and make them to bitch. And more shocking thing - wear revealing clothes for that age. They are kids for gods sakes. Leave the innocence for that age, alone..

Ughhhh!

Learning...

Tweet

...to speak and write Korean :)

There hasn't really been any motivation for this one. Just want to break the rut I am in. So today was the first class. We learnt the unintentionally funny vowels and consonants of the language. I turned up late for my first class and all (lost my way through the city :p)

The instructor was cool and patient though. We did a recitation exercise..
It is funny how a vowel which looks like the letter 'T' can change orientations and result in a totally different vowel. So the clever instructor got placards that she kept turning right, left, up and down with another consonant and voila.! a whole new Korean sound! Fun!

So now I can say..

an-nyeng-[h]a-se-yo? Manju im-ni-da. man-na-sow pang-gap-sim-ni-da

[Hello. I am Manju. Nice to meet you]

And I can actually write that in Korean by putting together the vowels and consonants :) Funner!

an-nyeng-[h]i ge-se-yo

[Goodbye]

Sticky Note

Tweet

Since January this year, I have been doing absolutely nothing that is remotely engaging, fruitful, exciting, practical, satisfying or fulfilling. It has been a tough and a slow year so far. Misfortunes galore.

But then I stop and think - "How did I manage all those XYZ problems in the past? That was surely tougher than this one I am facing right now" and that puts me at peace:)

Bureaucracy

Tweet

When I first came to United States, I came with a hope (like many other Indians) that things will be "easy" here. By things I mean, the routine stuff we all middle income families do in India. Apply for loans, pay bills, file tax returns and such other things that the infamously rich and powerful, so called politicians and high-level officials of India do not do.

Over the past two weeks, I had to go through the same kind of bureaucracy that is so often experienced in India. And before some Indian out there gets pseudo patriotic and wants to disagree here, all I can say is "Please shut your gob". We all know what a curse it is to be a comman man in India and the nightmares of getting things done.

Cutting it all short, I was shocked at the total indifference and callousness of people at my university with regards to my immigration paperwork. For the first time in the States, I felt like a loner and an alien. It is shocking to see, irrespective of boundaries or your nationality (no, I am not playing the racism card here), people just choose to be indifferent and have no empathy whatsoever. It is very disappointing to see this happen in USA. Having said that, I am not going to generalize this to all of the people who live here (immigrants included). I personally met some great individuals here who have been very kind to me. But I never once realized that I, of all the people, will be mistreated and manhandled by the system here.

I am fed up of bureaucracy at every place on earth now. Why are people indifferent when it comes to doing their job? Why cannot people empathise or even speak kind words during times of distress, even if they know they cannot help? Why are people given authority? Isn't the sole purpose of being in an authorized position, is to help people who come to you with hopes that they will be served?

Although, I cannot divulge the sensitive information attached to this whole topic of discussion I will some day share the incident, hopefully. I am not very sure if I want to stay in the States for the rest of my life. I am utterly disappointed and have lost the respect and trust that I had in the system here.

Of lost friends..

Tweet

Over the years it has been a very difficult thing for me - maintaining friendships

It is crazy how I am most close only to A till date. I do not think I have shared everything with any person (not even my dad) except A.

I tried hard. To make such friends. I do think my friends are flawed. Who isn't?
But the trust, integrity and the dependability that is the core of what friends are made of are missing. May be I have over expectations.

Of course having said that, I do not believe I am the perfect friend. So it is best not to expect from others says A. :) If only I was so calm and composed as A. LOL.

But often I think what went wrong with friends.

All those crazy fights over money, jealousy with grades (yeah! unbelievably true), and other things minor like may be hygienic habits etc. Although I think the biggest factor for destroying friendship is almost always "bitching behind the back" or "pulling out when your help is needed"

I have noticed how people very conveniently pull back when you need their help with excuses so brilliant, that it just gets you too upset. It is so hard not to expect that from friends, because they are the ones whom you count upon.

Of course, I have had two very nice friends, whom surprisingly I only chat with and are my seniors from college who help me with anything I want in a second's time. Then there is K, she is a darling. Of course she nearly bummed me out last Fall threatening to stop talking to me for reasons that is so typical of me. I do not express my feelings to people I am close with. Which, again got me very upset, because if you are my friend, I accept your nature. Even if you are the meanest bitch on the earth, but you stand by me when I need you, you still are my best friend.

I would rather cherish the few people I believe in than dig deep into my heart about people who claim to be my friends and are clearly NOT in times of need. There is no point in being upset about such people. I let my heart free today:)

Swine flu

Tweet

Yes, that is the most predictable blog title of the day.

It is amazing how everyone I know chooses to ping me today morning
when I am in the midst of a phone interview!!!!

And just when you are wondering, why the heck would I simply not sign out
of the chat then, to all you clever people I want to tell I was also required to be
on IM for possibly using it as a means to look up detailed questions during the interview. So there!

Me: (Busy on chat)
A: Yo

Me: (Still silent)
A: Back

Me: (Oh God..Still silent)
A: You there?

Me: (Ok this has to stop) I am on phone
Dad: Hey you should go out buy a mask

Me: (What? Still silent)
Dad: Hello?

Me: I am on phone
A: Who on phone?

Me: Job interview
A: Oh ok ok..TYT (take your time)

Dad: A guy from TX got the flu to Hyderabad. Have you got a mask or not?
Me: I am in a job interview. Brb.

XYZ: blah blah blah. Ooops, sorry wrong window :D

Me: Oh my goddddddddddddd!!!!!! x-(

At this point I was even contemplating to request my interviewer if I can go Invisible x-( Gosh!

Thankfully all the pings stopped for some time.

I should have put on a "I am in an interview" status. But decided against it. That would certainly lead to many other type of pings. Probably "Which company?", "When?", "What role?" or even a "Congrats". Who knows..

PS: No offense Dad and A :)

Inspiration.com

Tweet

As I was walking to class this morning (ok, not morning, noon rather:))
this thought occurred to me.

Why do we look for inspiration in others when we can get inspired from people
we know up close?

I bet several of you look towards Warren Buffet, Lakshmi Mittal or whoever it is that you thought was your role model. (Which goes to say I look at them as mine. Haha. Truth always comes out first;))

But heck, why not our own parents, siblings or friends?

Oh, let me see, that's coz their successes aren't glamorous enough? x-(

I thought my parents did phenomenally well (inspite of being terribly broke twice), going through personal tragedies and yet did not let that affect their kids. They always made sure they sent us to the right schools, gave us best of food and shelter while soaking up their miseries. I am not sure if that is not inspiring to me, then what is?

Leadership Workshop

Tweet

We finally had the AWICS workshop

Whoop!!!

So we talked about what, how and why of leadership.
To sum it up, a true leader is one who can make a leader out of others:)

Initially when I made up my mind to lead the workshop coordination, I thought there wouldn't be too much of work to do. Heck no, I was wrong!

Invites, appointments, conference room bookings, food, flyers, parking arrangements..phew!

But thankfully, my fellow officers were so cool about helping me out put together the stuff. And the panelists..they were uber cool! And the food was yum :)
Look up these guys: Jason's Deli, if you want to order food for a club meeting, workshop or simply any event. They had some real delicious pasta menu.

All in all the workshop was a smoothie..although just when I was hoping for a perfect end, the weather got rotten :(

Oh the rains..I don't like them, specially when you are out of milk to make a cup of hot coffee at home :)

Subway

Tweet

It's amazing how much you can get done if you are away from the Internet for an hour.
Really! LOL.

And then pumped with the happiness of using that one goddamn hour productively, you spend the next two hours on Internet to treat yourself. Sweet!

Today I was at Subway on the University Drive. As soon as I walked in, there she was..

Ok, a little background in one sentence: There is this stupid b**** who will not give you that extra scoop of tuna on your bread.

So I hate her! Period

As usual she takes the turn to serve me. Damn.

She cuts the bread not into half but like 1/4 < x <<<< 1/2 where x is the size of the bread all the bleddy time she serves me. Then she has the nerve this time to even remove the tuna out of the bread. To which I put on a face of disgust. And she clearly didn't like the expression. So she goes ahead and picks only 2 strings of bell pepper when I specifically ask for "Lots of bell peppers"

And then she has this hearing problem or pretends she is deaf or dont know what her goddamn problem is, she will always ask me twice what I am asking for.

Me: Lettuce
She: What?
Me: Lettuce

Me: Spinach
She: What?
Me: Spinach

Ufff..I so goddamn hate her.

And then I was trying to read "Computational Learning Theory" sitting there in the smallest of subway outlets I have ever been. Obviously, I wasnt doing a great job of reading and understanding, since I was singing "Uh-huh, Life's like this..Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?" (Avril's Complicated) with the FM playing it and the Chinese almost beside me gave me an angry stare.

Dude, relax I am studying Computational Learning Theory and all you are doing is eating a footlong bread stuffed with meat. So cut me some slack! x-(

Oh whatever, I solemnly swore that next time I will loiter in the aisle until I see she is busy with another customer and then I go stand in line. I am paying goddamn 4.06$, it better be worth that shit.

Middle of year resolutions

Tweet

I am not sure why I am reading this link right now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossover_(genetic_algorithm)

Really I pitied my readers so I pasted the whole link above,
so they wouldn't care to open it once they read the hyperlink text. LOL.

It is one of those crazy end of semester weeks now. When there is a ton to do,
but you are watching a sucky reality show :)

Here is a mental list of things to do after semester ends:

- Resume job search
- Spend more time at the REC
- Do some cool ass stuff at Anita Borg
- Take a short trip to India or wherever the heck I am allowed to (thanks to immigrant restrictions x-( )

Ya, so that's a handful of stuff. I am already dreaming about what all I can do with my tax refund money. Haha.

And now I need to resume reading that "oh-so-exciting" wiki.

Here and there

Tweet

and everywhere..that's what my last month has been.

Several unsuccessful attempts at my job search. Messing up my courses this semester.
And traveling with this suitcase which is always packed with clothes and essentials, ready to take off. LOL.

Anyway, so I am still "jobless" although I keep telling my parents and my boyfriend
"Oh there is so much to do, I am so tense. Btw did you see XYZ's wedding pictures? Cool na?"

So much for being "tense", sigh!

Like yesterday, I was so determined to sit down and work on this presentation (which btw is in less than 12 hours from now and yet I am only 3 slides done). And the presentation is ahem, in the presence of Bjarne Stroustrup, so you get the point now?

And then bang, I saw an old friend online. I just thought "No harm pinging and knowing how she is doing right?". I knew I was lying to myself.

We sat for hours and talked about stuff here and there and "critiquing" (haha, that has become my favorite word from when I started taking C++ classes) desi population abroad.

Me: I can't believe they still cry their ass off for grades and marks at grad school.
A: Sheeesh!

Me: And this idiot from our class, remember XYZ? She was down in NY and I called her to catch up. She just wont pick my calls! What an attitude!
A: Ya I know..such a shame

Me: (topic goes to marriages) I don't get it why do people marry? Peer pressure?
A: Hahaha, yes.

Me: Like all these cast issues..
A: cast huh..

Me: Oh I mean caste..bleddy C++. LOL
A: LOL

Me: So how are the desis at your place. (A lives in Spain)
A: Yeah, the same "take photos, upload on orkut/facebook" culture. What do you expect?

Me: Ufff...

Hmm would love to write it all here. But I am sure we bitched so much, that a whole lot of it is censored :)

And now slide # 4 please..
Countdown: 11 hours to go

Just another day

Tweet

She did not remember when it had all started..Was it when she got married?
Or was it when Sona was born? The early morning wind chilled her cheeks as she stood
staring at the hibiscus rows on her backyard..

As a young girl, she liked a lot to paint. Mixing oils, experimenting on canvases,
brush strokes and water colors creating a mosaic of patterns on her apron..
Why couldn't she enjoy that kind of recreation any more?

Ram had been a loving husband when they married. Then Sona, their little daughter, happened. Her bright eyes and long hair so reminiscent of her look. It was like looking at her own reflection, only young. Ram and her had a plan, for Sona. She would go to Crescent (it was the best convent in town) for her schooling..

Every morning, she made breakfast for Sona and Ram. Although Ram hardly had the time for breakfast. As a consultant, it was hard to keep tab of his diet. He was mostly out of home, traveling. As for Sona, she had to wake up and go to Ballet class and then catch the bus to school. Evening she took coaching for the IIT exam..

Rest of the day was spent in taking care of chores. Cleaning Sona's room, cooking, doing laundry and dishes, sorting bills, shopping for grocery and stocking the kitchen and..then Sona would come home, drink milk with honey and do her homeworks and sleep early..

Soon the exam results arrived. Sure enough, Sona made it to the top IIT school. She packed to her hostel both sad and excited about her life..Meanwhile, Ram was now a Principal consultant which meant he traveled more often now.

She spent most of her time, doing the regular chores. Hardly any interaction with the neighbors or friends for many years, immersed in domestic life that zapped the energy and zeal that she had for anything else. She missed her husband and daughter, both oblivious to her lonesome life. She often moved either because Ram said it was better for him to move to Mumbai, to be in the heart of things..or Sona would really do well if they moved to XYZ school, they have the best resources for Sona's bright future.

Sona, was now a Software Architect at a multinational and lived by herself in Delhi. Ram was working hard to become the Director of his company and had plans to start his own consulting firm..

She stared at the match stick box, concealed in her palm now. It was too cold to unwrap her robe..it had already been an hour since she drenched herself with a can of kerosene and then covered herself with a robe as she walked to the backyard of her house. Summoning up courage, she watched her numb fingers push the match box open.

"Isn't it too cold outside Miss Kelkar? I see that you really love nature..", shouted her neighbor from her backyard, as she stood near the hibiscus rows.

That night Sona and Ram came home, a long forced vacation from work, they said. When they arrived, they found her cooking pots of steaming hot biriyani and chicken curry, Sona and Ram's favorite.

It wasn't Sona or Ram but her neighbor Miss Dixit who interrupted her fateful day..As for Sona and Ram, it was just another day.

It is funny how..

Tweet

..this video almost made me cry.



Not that I care about Anjali, the kid (how heartless can I be?:)), it brought back too many memories, all those happy moments that will never come back and my heart felt heavy..

Best parents I have got

Tweet

..because they never defended me and let me face consequences of my own actions.
I thought it was rotten on their part to let me go thru shit. I know today they wanted me to 'experience' it all. Experience makes you stronger.

..because we fight more than we talk. I thought it was rotten on their part to never as much as talk nicely to me. I know today that they only wanted the best for me, so they wouldn't give in to my demands.

..because they would simply not care what I was upto, what I was doing and whether I was doing well, whatever it is I was doing. I thought it was rotten on their part to never be as much as even be 'concerned' about their daughter's well-being. I know today that they did care, but only wanted to give me an opportunity to develop my maturity to handle things.

..because I constantly complained that they didn't love me, didn't even once express
their love to me. I thought it was rotten on their part never to show love. I know
today that they did love, only they wished I understand their unspoken love.

..because they were constantly disappointed in me, no matter what I did. I thought
that was the most rotten thing to happen to me. I cried silently at times thinking it over, only now I know they were always proud of me, but wanted me to be more ambitious and never complacent with my achievements.

..because they were depressed about the "good" upbringing they gave to the other kid
and yet he turned to be "not so good". I thought why should I face someone else's
wrong doings, why am I to be blamed? It was rotten on their part..but I know today
they were too scared to repeat the same "good" upbringing in my case.

Getting born into this world and given a shelter, fed and protected..
How many of us are selfless enough to do that?