Chasing the Monsoon

Tweet

The intention of this post is to just give you an idea of A Day in the Life of an Indian Monsoon. If that doesn't interest you, you might as well chill out and listen to some rain (awesome site no?)

"Here", says my mum as she props a small plate of bite-sized vadas beside a pile of books on an old chair. My house is minimally furnished and at times like these she finds it really frustrating to find a resting place. I obediently pick it up before they either turn cold or drop from the the edge of the chair.

Outside the slightly ajar window I see heavy rains continuing. "Yet another weekend, lost to the rains", I think to myself. The window is only slightly ajar because of mosquitoes that are unavoidable. There is a green carpet of bushes outside swaying in the wind and soaking down the rain, a crookedly parked line of motorbikes on the street, steady streams of water merging and flowing down a narrow ridge, an old abandoned rickshaw and a wayward dog finding comfort underneath it. Quite the room with a view, I have got. 

"There is going to be a powercut in 30 mins, so if you want to take a hot bath, this is it", forewarns my mother as she enters and leaves my room quickly.

Monsoons in India bring their own share of woes. Going out in the rains mean a lot of things - enduring traffic jams, making sure your phone is well-protected from the rains, dodging the water puddles, timing important errands so you don't get "caught" in the rains.

What can possibly be romantic about Indian monsoons you ask?

Yes if you are sitting in the confines of a shelter, preferably with a hot cup of chai and good company - a book or a person. Or perhaps just lying under the sheets and catching an old flick.

Rains in India seem to have what I call the "standstill" effect. They bring a lot of things to a grinding halt - whether you like it or not. You are forced to work under constraints. You are forced to "take a break" and look around you. Everything is so interconnected to the predictability of rains. 

And although I quietly mutter under my breath, I know that I didn't quite have a weekend plan either. My weekends are mostly filled with errands. So I impulsively put on my shoes and running tracks. I decide I want a jog in the park today. A park that takes atleast 45 mins to travel to. The heavy rains having stopped encourage me on this dogged pursuit. I spend a good 20 mins searching for my bike keys. I still don't find them. Undeterred I pick some of my library books I want to drop on the way and set out to do so with my friend. 

No sooner do I reach the library, it starts to pour with a vengeance. Damn it! Of course, I am not that worried because the library is probably the second best place to be stranded (after home) for me. We look around for a place to sit but some old ladies have occupied them already. We contemplate about going to a coffee shop across the street but the ominous rains seem relentless and not in a mood for a break.

As we stand there craving for something hot, from nowhere a guy walks in armed with a thermos flask of tea and small plastic cups in his pockets. We ask him for two and he promptly pours them. "6 rupees", he says. We search for some coins but he decides he is ok with a 10 rupee note. 

"Quite the angel", I tell my friend. As we sip the hot tea, we contemplate things around us. Old lady struggling to get downstairs (the library is on a building's second floor) with two kids who speak in US accent. "Must be NRI's", we tell each other. One of the kids, a tiny girl, scans the bookshelves like a pro. She decides on a book or two and leaves as her driver comes to pick up the family. 

Directly behind their SUV parked on the road, I see a poor grandmotherly lady strutting down the road, carefully avoiding the puddles, with nothing but an old plastic bag covering her head like a shower cap. On the same road, I see young guys on bikes taking a smoke and enjoying the rain nevertheless, middle aged ladies sharing an old ripped umbrella, an auto-rickshaw guy looking out for his next customer and a neighborhood bakery doubling up as the rain shelter for the day.  

No, there is nothing romantic about monsoons, if you choose to think so. And yet, there is still something contemplative about the monsoons in India. Either way, life goes on in India. 

As I walk down the street to my home, an emaciated looking boy in threadbare shorts, tries to sell me  a printed design umbrella. I ignore (as I do with beggars on the streets) and go past him to enter my home. I look back to see that he has done the same - walked across the street to try his luck with another resident. 

No sooner do I enter home, mom gives me a deft reminder - "You still have to find the lost keys to your bike". As I said, life goes on. 

The cliche of fairy tale romance

Tweet

"So how do I look? Do I look like the floodlights?", I ask my boyfriend, on no particular occasion. He nods in approval. 

I was wearing a beaten-to-death jeans and an equally ancient men's t-shirt that doubled up as my nightwear. Clearly my nails weren't manicured (I have never had a manicure btw) while my boyfriend sported a set of perfectly shaped nails that could put a well-groomed girls' to shame. And yet, my boyfriend says, I look like the floodlights. 

Yes we get it - Love is blind.

But I have an itch to scratch today. Plenty of rom-coms later, I am left with a feeling that I have been set up for failure. Nothing in real life mirrors those stories of happily ever after.

No, really. As a couple, we are either running errands, strategizing commute routes, envying other couples, debating work-life balance, discussing dad's health. What ever happened to the promise of a fairy tale romance? Welcome quarter-life crisis.

Catching a movie (mostly terrible ones) is the closest thing to romance in the modern day. 

#facepalm

The other day, we bought flowers as a wedding gift for a friend. That was the closest I have been to "smelling roses". Pun intended, btw. "You never bought me flowers", I try to take a dig at my boyfriend, winking at him. "Do you even know how they look, like, put together nicely? They have this way of arranging and wrapping them, they cut the ribbons with their fingers...", he goes on to explain me.

The florist girl interrupts - "Which roses you want? Bolo." And I stare back blankly. Frozen. My boyfriend is quick to respond "Red ones, a few yellows in between. Actually, whatever you think fit." I look at him suspiciously. Umm ok, he knows more than me about flowers, so what. But they never showed me this side of things in the rom-coms I watched.

#betrayed (yet again)

"Daisies are the friendliest flowers", I say to him, as the florist gets to work. "From the movie You've Got Mail", I add quickly sounding triumphant at my knowledge of rom-coms. He seems, not strangely, unimpressed. 

What? No chivalry?

I am not bowed down by this apparent lack of chivalry in my relationship. I decided I will give back to the world, you know, a bit of chivalry, a bit of courteousness and a bit of old-fashioned charm. I am all for giving back. Needless to say, that didn't work either. Holding one of the double doors at a local hospital got me strange stares from people. An old woman gave me a confused look "Isn't she a little too young or unconventional to be a doorman?".

"Anna, you forgot the (bike) stand" or "Boss, indicator lights are on" are the closest calls of courteousness I have experienced on Indian roads. Yes, Indians are like that, full of contradictions.

Hmm, this whole thing needs some serious research. (Puts on my imaginary thinking hat)

I mean seriously, I could tell my boyfriend that sometimes he sings horribly while he thinks he sounds like Udit Narayan. But I wasn't taught like that you know. My parents fed me a healthy dose of rom-coms. And then he is always telling me Brahmi, Balaiah, Senthil, Vivek jokes and spamming me with Mashable and Techcrunch links from his Google Reader. This is the limit only.

Where is the romance? I want romance. (Refer below video at 2:50 for perspective)

Maybe I will shake him up today and say "I am a fine lady - treat me like one." Although I need to dress like one. Hmm, scratch that. Too much work. 

Of course, unlike ladies, I will agree this trend is partly my fault. I clearly haven't prepared him to a life of chivalry. Spoiled him rotten from the day I offered to split our bills to standing in the queues for filing his taxes or buying movie tickets for both to carrying his jacket. But a lady can take only so much no?

I think I will surprise him today by asking flowers. No, I will have to then think of what to do with those flowers then. Too much stress. Maybe I will shop a lot with his credit card. Hmm, no patience with trial room lines, unresponsive sales people and having to choose..Too much decision making. Stressful again. Maybe I will order the priciest dish in the priciest restaurant? But, but, but I like only food at those "all you can eat" and cheap dhaba and tiffin centre like places. 

Uff, so tough this is.

Ooh, what is this. New mail from boyfriend. Another (predictably) Techcrunch link:

Avocado Founders Unleash Guacamole, An API Just for Couples Apps

No, I am not even making that up. A few weeks earlier, we were discussing the trivia behind naming a mobile app (related to couples) as Avocado. Ok since you have read this blog so far I shall share the trivia with you. Avocados grow in pairs, hence the "fundoo" name for the app. The closest to romantic discussion we have had in months. This is not even funny anymore. Hmm. 

But really an API, an entire toolkit for all apps geared towards couples? A platform for couples? I wouldn't have imagined that in 2001 when I was writing my first Hello World program in C language.

Ok, in that case, I am declaring an open forum for romance related counsel. This will be like Oprah Winfrey of Indian Romance Counseling. I will have grassroot workers go to schools teaching the basics of chivalry to young men. I will write software to push notifications on your mobile phones, so you can read unsolicited rom advice crowdsourced from all of web, while you are doing important things like laundry or playing Angry Birds. (Yes, you can thank me later) And I shall open source the API too (remember I believe in giving back?)

Posting this soon before boyfriend requests censorship. Once its out on the Internet, there is no looking back.

Update:
New mail (with some video link) from boyfriend reads in the subject: "wot are these suits? they are flyin off gennnnn". Labeling it as "Unread and Important".

Did something cool today?

Tweet

You know what's cool? Doing.

Doing is everything.

Not an idea, nor a thought.

Doing is what matters.
Doing is believing.
Doing is experiencing.
Doing is living.

I think for a long time now I have been in quite a funk. Personal stress, remote working, time mismanagement and a host of other things. You know what that does to you right? Puts you in a "restless" zone. Yeah, you don't want to belong there.

I am someone who constantly whines, talks the talk, bounces ideas and sees them sit and gather dust. And so are many others (no kidding, even you?). In an earlier post, I aimed (but failed an embarrassing number of times) to adopt what I called the Daily Sabbatical.

First there was tennis. I felt like Roger Federer (there's no price to pay for imagining you are greatest, is there?). Then carrying bats to and fro from work and all the monsoon rage in my hometown killed it.

Then there was - "I will read one book per weekend" deal. I pretty much made the cut, actually. Kind of proud. But not quite sealed it. My reading challenge this year is 40 books (At the current rate, I am 10 books behind)

2012 Reading Challenge

Manju has read 19 books toward her goal of 50 books.

hide

19 of 50 (38%)

view books

Then there was - "I will try to be happy and cheery faced everyday". Was I?

*Crickets chirping*

Then there was - "I want to dance". I spoke to a really nice, energetic co-worker about it and he suggested I should teach a class. I thought that was ridiculous at first. I searched and waited if someone offered something similar at work. Of course, my co-worker was up in my face all the time about it (thank you!). I grumbled, whined, lamented, complained,..

**insert every one of those abundant excuse-abiding adjectives here**

..until I relented and taught a Bollywood dance class today.

Yes, me, taught a dance class. Ok, it wasn't pro. It was cool though. I met some cool people. We all danced and had fun.

But that was the idea though. To have fun everyday. To surprise myself everyday. To see what I can do everyday - same things differently or new things experimentally.

I love how easy it is to do than talk about something (yes I mean when I say that). I already feel better. This "doing" thing sounds like fun to me.

So did something cool today?

The Tao of Running

Tweet

3 years ago, one late evening on a lonely road winding down to the Fenway Park, I stood, breathing heavily. Surrounded by thick greenery, historic Museum of Fine Arts, a group of teenagers playing ball in a distant field and the crisp cool air of a typical August day that was turning cloudy. 

"This is shit", I thought to myself.

2009 was my first foray into anything that could be remotely associated to running. I was definitely tending towards becoming overweight. I was beyond myself. I wanted to gym like everyone else. I wanted to cut down on food like everyone else. I ached to become active.

And I chose running.

Few jogs down the beaten path and it left me gasping for breath. It was more like grunting. 

I put my hands on my knees and bent down, breathing as if my life depended on it.

I looked around and there was no one. And the dark clouds looked ominous. I was living in a dingy apartment in Boston, with 4 other girls and their own set of problems they came with. I hated my life. What was I doing here?

I continued to jog again. And stopped right after 30 seconds.

"This is shit", I thought to myself again.

2009 and nobody wants to even give me a job offer. Even at those rockstar internships I had. They all liked my work but it was the year of recession. Recruitments froze everywhere. And yet here I was thinking about running, as if that's going to change my life.

I suddenly ground to a halt when a bunch of geese(?) cut into my path. 

"Stupid birds", I thought to myself.

As they took their own time, I took my temporary break, hands on my hips and beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

"This can't be right, I should be focussing on job interviews", I thought to myself. "What am I doing here, trying to run like this, as if this is going to change my life"

"Please don't rain, please don't rain", I let out silent prayers. 

After a good 10 minutes, I tried to run again. This time out of necessity to avoid the rain. And I ran till my apartment. By then I had gotten wet. 

The rains didn't stop for me. And neither will your life.

Today I can run a 5K like a breeze. 10K no problem. 20K, I wouldn't exactly die either.

I think running taught me an important lesson. Sometimes in life, you have to do things without purpose. There is always pressure on you to do well at work, relationships, business, career. A hundred reasons crop up in your puny brain, resisting change. Excuses that you will make for not going at "outside routine". That little voice in your head is angry and confused and afraid. But keep at it. Keep cheating your brain to believe that this is not a drain on your time. That this is not going to affect anything else in your life. That this is just for fun. 

This is something that you want to do, carelessly. No pressures. No expectations. No nothing.

I now know what runners mean when they say "runners high" or "feeling the wind in your face".

To this date, I don't have a race target or goal time. I always always run for fun. I run because I love how the endorphins break down my worries or stress from trivial things in my life. I love to listen to my own breathing sometime - in out, in out, in out - and with the sweat dripping on the back of my neck,  when I tie my long hair into a bun, the cool air that feels like I am on top of a snow capped mountain. I love how it throws hiccups at me - toenail injuries, side stitches, tired legs - and they feel like small victories instead of problems.

These are not imaginary feelings. This is the real deal, in flesh and blood. When you slowly realize that dormant strength in you - as you morph from someone who moves at a glacial pace to someone who runs like the gazelle, carefree and happy - with the spring of your feet and the belief in your head.

And that, my friends, that feeling right there is what I mean when I say I love running.

Dedicated to all of those who told me and still tell me that running is boring

The Gamification of Social Issues (or What Satyamev Jayate show can do differently)

Tweet

Every Sunday at 11 am there is a (scheduled) power outage in my neighborhood. There is also another  prior to that at 6 am everyday. I choose to speak selectively about the Sunday hour because that's when Aamir Khan's show Satyamev Jayate (the show name means - "truth alone prevails") is aired on about 6 TV channels simultaneously.

Sure, a genius move you say. Airing it on atleast 6 channels (both local and ones on cable payed channels). That too Sunday at an hour when you are hopefully not outdoors or working. What are the chances, huh? So you bound to sit and watch and mull and brood and (even cry with Aamir) about the social issues in India.

Only, you didn't anticipate the following:

- There could be a power outage at the time (sad but true. It is easy for me to stream it over Internet later in the day, but I doubt anyone else has the resources or inclination to do that)

- You could be still sleeping. Ask my techie friends. No one gets up from bed on a Sunday until noon.

- You simply don't care. Sure, the first episode or two moved you, you were angered, you teared up and then that's that. You went about your business after the show ended. "Meet you for coffee or movie  late evening? Sure", you tell to your friend over the phone. That's how quickly the pace changes in India. Where everything from getting your home plumbing repaired to servicing your bike is unpredictable (your handyman might not show up, or your bike servicing guy doesn't do his job right). You fight your way through stuff. So why would you waste your time and mind over a damn show? You have your own problems to deal with at every passing second of your life here.

- Someone in your home wants to switch to a different TV channel while the ads are running and then you find another channel that is "interesting". Oh they are playing Salman Khan's "Dabbang" on Sony MAX. Let me see that for a few minutes. That turns into an hour. No more Satyamev Jayate.

- And many more such reasons..too many to list here.

It makes you wonder, what has gone wrong with Indians? Why don't they care anymore? They are busy building farms (FarmVille) or checking-in to joints virtually (Foursquare, Zomato..) but have no time in their lives to spend an hour on a show that discusses social causes?

Lets take a deep breath here and think for a moment.

What drives people? Emotions, shocking truths? Perhaps. That's why the show became a desi version of Oprah Winfrey. The problem is that probably worked for the first two episodes. And strangely we got "accustomed" to that too. Shock value has a short term effect. And then it meets its death.

So why is Farmville more attractive than an emotional, teary-eyed show?

Perhaps the producers at Satyamev may consider Gamification. No kidding.

“In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and – SNAP! – the job’s a game!” - Mary Poppins

And that my friends, is the essence that drives gamification.

Half of the country probably spends half of their time on phones (my ballpark average). Your traditional SMS's might reach out to the masses but there's no hook and bait in that. You need people with resources and bandwidth to first get involved and give their full attention when you speak about social issues.

- Make a mobile app that showcases the issues. Something that people can tap into and listen to instantly.

- Show what is happening in their local neighborhood on the app. People (still) deeply care about what is going on in their neighborhood because it directly affects them and their family. They don't have the downtime to think about the nation's problems. 

- Show a way they can contribute to "fix" these issues without getting too much in the way of their work or daily chores. Make that actionable through the app.

- Anyone who does one of the above three should get some kind of "loyalty" or "contribution" points. Yeah, it is sad how THAT works. But the important thing is THAT works. People get motivated with virtual "incentives" like that. They go bonkers sharing, tweeting, messaging their newly owned popularity on the Web. So go ahead, feed their egos. Nothing wrong with that.

So to the producers and crew at Satyamev Jayate - Make it count. Don't let your hard work go wasted. Because, unfortunately, truth alone doesn't prevail in India. 

Rainy day reminiscences

Tweet

For many of us rainy days conjure up mushy memories of coffee, hot food, conversation, curling up on bed and watching the rain and perhaps dancing/walking in the rain for the slightly adventurous.

The bubble breaks there.

For the daily commuters in India, rainy days are unpleasant, mostly unwanted, dreadful days - that start with silent pleas to the rain gods to stop inflicting more rain and end with grievances like endless traffic jams, dirty puddles, road rages and other shortcomings (such as your vehicle struggling to keep up with the floods on the roads)

And today happens to be one such day.

"I shouldn't have worn my Nike shoes today", I tell A, suddenly aware a little later, that it is such a first world problem. Ashamed, I stay mum for some time. Not too long before I break the silence with one of my other trivial grievances (such is human nature)

"Why does it have to rain only when we head out?", I mutter under my breath.

Meanwhile A is trying hard to dodge traffic and find tiny gaps in between a fleet of cars, bikes, cycles, cattle, beggars and hawkers at traffic lights etc. Yes, India is diversified like that - even on roads. At one instance, the traffic poured in a single file. Frustrated, we inched along, only later to realize the larger part of the road was hoarded by free moving herd of buffaloes.

Looking at A navigate tactfully, I think to myself, "He is doing such a good job. I probably ought to shut up and quit whining."

Like some sort of a circus trainer, he gives me forewarnings - "Lift your legs high" - as we enter a big flood on the road. A has also mastered the art of reading and predicting the cloud movement. He yells (over the traffic noise) to me, "I think that part of the town is probably already getting heavy rains."

I sigh. By this time I am not too pleased that we have wasted so much time on the road. "This is such a mess", I think aloud. And as if to slight my unheard objections, a heavy downpour comes down on us, forcing us to make a pitstop at a local bookstore.

For close to an hour we stand under the tiny shade of a five floor building and look at the rains that show no signs of giving up. This wasn't going to be a pitstop after all.

A suddenly notices sparks from atop the building. "Look at that", he whimpers to me.

"It looks like Diwali patakas (firecrackers) ready to burst but not quite there", I chuckle.

"Doesn't look good", A says seriously. "Maybe we should move."

We look at it, necks craned, for about 15 mins and then we forget about it. Returning to focus on "the rains" again. Such is the pace of life in India. One grievance giving in to another and then another. Welcome to the Indian grievance lifecycle.

"Hey why don't we just head inside the bookstore?", I look at A briefly and then race through the rain to get to the first floor.

A understands but does not share my passion for books. He often reasons about it this way - "I have no time or inclination to read those fat books. And anyway you tell me the gist and trivia behind them. So I am ok."

I make a steady walk through the book aisles, looking up staff picks, latest bestsellers (I let out a tiny cringe at stacks of Fifty Shades series) and then reach my favorite section on Indian fiction. I run through some trivia for A and by this time he has already taken a peek at "the rains" about half a dozen times.

We goof around a bit and somehow the bookstore fails to draw me. We step onto some weight scale to check our weights and unconvinced with the results, we promptly dismiss the scale as "out of order". 

We look around, we look at the rain, we look at the people taking shelter under the bookstore roof, we look at this guy struggling on his cycle with a plastic bag on his head as his only protection from rain, we look a mini van broken down in the middle of the road and couple of people lending a hand to push it to the corner of the road, we notice men gawking at me, we check on our bike to see no one's taking a free pass at it (sitting or doing stupid stuff on it), we debate if we should just hail a cab, why we should have gotten those better raincoats along...

And yet the rains continue.

Somehow in midst of all this, a poignant thing happened. For a minute I stopped and stared at the local bus that stopped to let some passengers out.

I saw women with small plastic bags trying to get into the bus, fit in the small space inside. It brought back a flood of memories from my teenage days. How I had wished I would never have to take the local buses, struggle to find space, deal with men making a pass at me, carry a load of books in my school bag on tiny shoulders and hope to convince someone seated to hold it for me. I had hated those days then and wanted with all my heart for days like the ones I am living now. Where I owned my own means of transportation and wouldn't have to suffer at the whims of others.

I was embarrassed for a moment with the subtlety of what encompassed me in that one minute.

I looked at A and for some reason we started humming (and discussing) ridiculous songs like "I am a Barbie girl" and conversing in only Hyderabadi slang.

And in that moment, for the first time in the entire evening, we forgot to check on "the rains".

Yes, you are the creative type

Tweet

The last time I saw dad off into a MRI machine - he was still scared. Scared as hell. Pale as death. 

MRI machines got the best of him. He describes it as a lonely passage to death. "It is more haunting than any ghost story ever. And it is all alone there.", he told me once. It made me think - Isn't there an easier way to do this? Why use a beast of a machine and scare already sick people this way?

So when I saw this video today, I was delighted with what I saw. An MRI machine designed by Doug Deitz, to look like a "pirate ship" at a children's hospital. By making kids forget about the drudgery and loneliness of the process and instead, taking them through an adventure could build confidence in them. 

Creativity, it seems, can be influenced in the same respect. Conquering our fear goes a long way in building one's creative confidence. The speaker highlights there is no such thing as a "creative type". Because how is it then that as kids we all were very creative?:) The only difference between a creative and non-creative type is the confidence, the belief that your idea is creative. And rallying behind this idea, no matter what or who tries to shoot it down. 

So what does getting rid of fear of snakes got to do with opening doors to creative confidence? 

Watch the video.

The Coffee Metropolis

Tweet

Frustrated I looked up from my laptop - "Why isn't there any Internet in this place?"

We were seated in one of the swankiest coffee places in Hyderabad.

A shrugged. "Let me ask them", he offered to help.

I was just getting in the zone there, ready to whip up some code.

And now, I was staring at some "404 - Not Found" page.

I leaned back into the couch, which I thought was slightly uncomfortable. House flies settling in on the already empty cup of Macchiato and bits of sandwiches we had so hungrily devoured an hour ago. And the air conditioning, intentionally switched off, made the air more humid and dry than outside.

One of the coffee waiters came by. "Madam, Internet is not working?"

"Yes", I said with no intention of hiding my irritation.

"Please try this password madam..."

"Yes, yes. I already did. It doesn't work."

The guy threw me a helpless look. "Don't know madam" and flashed a grin as if he was providing me some good news.

I started to ask him if there was a time limit of some sort on the Wi-fi usage, instead I withdrew and gave up. "OK", I sighed.

"I knew it. I should have just downloaded the API docs", I yelped in frustration to A.

This was pointless. With nothing to do, I shut my laptop and looked around.

Scores of young girls in skirts shorter than I had ever seen. With strapless tops that generously exposed their arms and backs. And with mouths that seemed to continuously talk and eyes fixated on their smartphones, their hands twirling the straws and cups flirtatiously.

"Who are these people?", I ask A suddenly aware of the people sitting there.

"And what are they doing here? Where do they get all the money from?". I kept going.

A shrugged again. "I guess kids have more money these days than I thought. I don't even know what's that thing they have ordered there. Whatever that is, looks expensive."

I frowned in agreement. I turned my attention to another set of people - mostly couples.

In my most critical tone I ask "Don't these people have work to go to?"

"Probably one of us", A joked.

"I assume we have been working till this damn Internet gave up on us?", I shot back in defense.

"Anything else madam?", one of the other waiters came by.

"No", I reply dryly.

I tilt my head and ask A, "Do they want us to leave or what?"

"Guess so",  he guffaws.

I usually would get a book to read as a backup. Today I hadn't. Perhaps I was supposed to "chill" at coffee places like these. The only problem is I have no idea what "chilling out" means. Daydreaming, I do - if it doesn't come with a price tag like this. Could I daydream without pouring so much money over a coffee please?

In the US, I love coffee places for being unsolicitous about customers. You could just go in and do things of your choice. No one would bat an eyelid. Read a book, gaze at passersby, gaze at art, daydream, code, play with legos. In India, there has never been a "character" to coffee houses. It is always the same. Young teenagers hanging out or couples cozying up. Where was all that youthful camaraderie and sprouting enthusiasm among groups they are supposed to foster?

Indian coffee places have in fact morphed into these lazy lounges. I have nothing against that. Only that it has become more of a norm in EVERY coffee place I go to. It is disappointing. And now its coffee places with dimmed lights - like it's a bar. Please!

Until I spent some years in the US, I never imagined coffee places to be these think tanks and breeding grounds for some of the revolutionary ideas. In India, that is not encouraged. In fact, anything outside the norm is not. I hope that changes soon.

And so with that hope and indirect hints from the coffee crew to leave, I head back home.

I strike out this coffee place from my mental list of "my favorite coffee places". This list looks rather empty as it is.

The Daily Sabbatical - Your vacation every day

Tweet

Lately, I find myself asking this question every morning - "How am I going to have fun today?"

No that isn't a joke. Nor is it a self-help cliche. It is something to simulates my brain and force it to find the answer for me. Because I want to sneak in some "fun part" in my day. And asking that question every morning helps me wing it.

I believe this is the sad truth about today - We are always in rush, specially in the mornings, that we forget to set our life's priorities straight. How many times have you heard that the best work is done in the mornings (or late nights)? That is because, devoid of all other distractions, you are bound to ask yourself (or work on) honest, self-actuating questions and you have no excuse to make in the guise of distractions.

Put all that aside and think for a moment - What have you really done today that brought you pleasure or any form of relaxation?

*Crickets chirping*

I think that is going to take more than a moment, honestly.

Everywhere I see, whoever I talk to are in the The Busy Trap. No time for fun things. What's your excuse? 

So there is really no foolproof way to make sure fun "happens" in your day. Unless you plan for it. Until you make it a habit. And then probably you wouldn't need to ask that nagging question everyday.

My daily sabbatical began today - I took an hour out to play tennis. An hour I would otherwise spend aimlessly on Twitter. Yes, you are never going to work on "something productive" in that one hour, no matter how many times your brain tells you that. 

The key is to just shut off for one hour a day and do whatever you think is fun. 

That could be doing yoga, reading a book, cooking a meal, walking your dog, working out in the gym..whatever makes you tick.  

Make sure that one hour is really that one hour when you have no excuse to give.

I often see people making excuses about how tired and beaten they are in the evening, so they will happily skip the gym, only to sit and watch TV at home. Either you are really sick or you hate working out. But if it's neither of them, then it's just a time that is not going to work out for you. Instead pick morning hours (if you are an early bird) or pick a "gap time" like around noon when you hit a productivity slump. 

Make sure that it is really fun. Seriously.

The whole point is to have fun/relax/enjoy. If it feels like work, then perhaps that is not your fun activity. So don't allot that one hour to maybe planning your taxes. It is got to be fun. Period.

But I love Facebook or Twitter...Isn't that fun?

Sure, stalking people's profiles on Facebook and reading through a flood of random tweets "feels" like fun or relaxing. Now here's what I challenge you to do with that. Try restricting it to 15 mins. Doable? I think not. The problem with too much Internet is it morphs into this time sink - that mental rabbit hole - you keep digging and digging never to come back. In short, let me define fun for you - something that really simulates your senses, makes you feel creatively free or refreshed. Now tell me how many of you had that "refreshing" feeling after facebooking?

Even if you think you are the most boring person in the world and the only fun thing you can think of is watching TV, allow me to make a more enterprising pitch - Carving out a "me time" is essential for both your personal and professional well-being. That means you live longer and you get paid better (although I can't guarantee your professional success is linearly related to your paycheck). 

I am guessing even if all you want to do is daydream (good news: there is research that daydreaming makes you a tad creative), it still counts. Just don't start pounding away on your smartphone or tablet or laptop. Not cool.

So what's your daily sabbatical plan?

Tweet

Ever since this poem was shared with me on Women's Day this year, I couldn't get this out of my mind. Always lingering and always reminding that women are awesome, no matter what color, shape or profession defines them. Women are phenomenal!

And although there is no particular occasion, as I was flipping through some notable poems today (ya, I have taken to poems lately :)), this came on the top and has and will be my most favorite poem ever.

Share with women who have made a difference in your life. They will likely appreciate the gesture.

Source: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178942

Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

The art of letting go..

Tweet

..is a lost art in adults. A known fact that as we morph from a child to an adult we severely restrict our ability to let go and imagine the unimagined. We ridicule and fear any invention. We like to be in our comfort zone and not step onto other's feet. We continuously train ourselves to live within constraints, lest we embarrass ourselves in public.

In a true adult fashion, I started to think analytically about how I can revive or atleast let a part of me go uninhibited. It's this resistance of the brain, refusing to let go. How can I free myself from the fear of making myself a fool? I don't have an answer to this.

Perhaps I must keep reading this excerpt from the book Imagine to inspire me every day, on days when I feel I could have done something - only if I let myself wander, if I let go...

World renowned American cellist Yo-Yo Ma echoes this idea.

"When people ask me how they should approach performance, I always ask them that the professional musician should aspire to the state of the beginner," Ma says. "In order to become a professional, you need to go through years of training. You get criticized by all your teachers, and you worry about all the critics. You are constantly being judged. But if you get onstage and all you think about is what the critics are going to say, if all you are doing is worrying, they you will play terribly. You will be tight and it will be a bad concert. Instead one needs to constantly remind oneself to play with the abandon of the child who is just learning the cello.

Because why is that kid playing? He is playing for pleasure. He is playing because making this sound, expressing this melody, makes him happy. That is still the only good reason to play"

The act of kindness - an essential trait of leadership

Tweet

I generally listen to stories - about random acts of kindness. It lasts only that much longer though. It fails to "stick". Suddenly when someone notable or powerful speaks, your ears perk up and you take to their advice and give full attention. It so happened I was privileged enough to sit in an auditorium brimming with co-workers listening to Colin Powell speak. Now I expected a more military-government-defense sort of serious talk.

Now imagine my surprise when he spoke a lot more about kindness than what would be expected from a personality and leader like him. He came across as the most down to earth, ordinary and an honest, straightforward guy and yet he arrested my attention!

Among several great anecdotes he narrated, one stuck with me till date and will do forever. I started reading his book It Worked For Me : In Life and Leadership today and I was pleased to see the same anecdote in one of the chapters. 

Bottomline being kindness is essential for rock solid leadership.
Read why in this excerpt from the book - 

When I was Secretary of State, I slipped away one day from my beautiful office suite and vigilant security guards and snuck down to the garage. The garage is run by contract employees, most of them immigrants and minorities making only a few dollars above minimum wage.

The garage is too small for all the employees' cars. The challenge every morning is to pack them all. The attendants' system is to stack cars one behind the other, so densely packed that there's no room to maneuver. Since number three can't get out until number one and two have left, the evening rush hour is chaos if the lead cars don't exit the garage on time. Inevitably a lot of impatient people have to stand around waiting their turn.

The attendants had never seen a Secretary wandering around the garage before; they though I was lost. (That may be true by then, but I'd never admit it.) They asked if I needed help getting back "home".

"No", I answered. "I just want to look around and chat with you."

They were surprised, but pleased. I asked about the job, where they were from, were there problems with carbon monoxide, and similar small talk. They assured me everything was fine, and we all relaxed and chatted away.

After a while I asked a question that puzzled me: "When the cars come in every morning, how do you decide who ends up first to get out and who ends up second and third?"

They gave each other knowing looks and little smiles. "Mr. Secretary", one of them said, "it kinda goes like this. When you drive in, if you lower the window, look out, smile and you know our name, or you say 'Good morning, how are you?' or something like that you are number one to get out. But if you look just straight ahead and don't show you even see us or that we are doing something for you, well, you are likely to be one of the last to get out."

I thanked them, smiled, and made my way back to where I had abandoned my now distraught bodyguard. 

At my next staff meeting, I shared this story with my senior leaders. "You can never err by treating everyone in the building with respect, thoughtfulness and a kind word," I told them. "Every one of our employees is an essential employee. Every one of them wants to be viewed that way. And if you treat them that way, they will view you that way. They will not let you down or let you fail. They will accomplish whatever you have put in front of them."

The Best of Nora Ephron

Tweet

Nora Ephron was one filmmaker whose storytelling was irresistibly whimsical. It influenced me deeply when I was a kid. She, I think, re-defined the concept of rom-coms (romantic comedies). It made you tear up. It made you love life. It made you bundle those moments of joy and curl up with them. It made every thing sound and look beautiful. Even heartache was presented in wit and humor. I was so besotted by her master storytelling that I would read up her movie screenplays - something I have never done of any other filmmaker's, till date. And to date, I reread some of her non-fiction pieces in The New Yorker - her writing is an eclectic blend of humor, old-fashioned charm, optimism and spirit. 

 

The last movie I saw of hers - Julie & Julia - reminded me of how fond I was of food and cooking, no matter how amateur a cook I am. She took the otherwise mundane scenes and turned them around into remarkable memories. Who would have thought that the scene in When Harry met Sally where Sally drops off Harry at the Washington Square Park arch would be so iconic?

Those are the magic moments of storytelling & cinema - when you look at a scene and it sticks and you wish you lived it!

RIP Nora Ephron.

Here are some of the best articles I have read on Nora Ephron -

(Recommended) Nora satires The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo's author Steig Larson's writing style

(Recommended) My previous article on how Nora Ephron's storytelling was influenced by her teacher

(Recommended) Serious Eats' Ed Levine gets anecdotal about Nora Ephron

Tom Hanks on Nora Ephron

Nora Ephron on what she will miss and what she won't

Nora is everyone's best friend

(Recommended) All the wonderful pieces Nora wrote for The New Yorker

(Recommended) One of the best comedy scenes in a Nora Ephron movie - The Heartburn - starts at about 0:57 via @MindyKaling




Mindy Kaling walks through her favorite movie - You've Got Mail

(Recommended) Nora Ephron on women, love, happiness, reading, life and death via @brainpicker

And if you are already not overdosed yet, all the #longreads on Nora Ephron :)

And my favorite line of hers:

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”

I am pissed off for greatness

Tweet

"If you aren't pissed off for greatness, that means you are okay with being mediocre" - Ray Lewis to Stanford basketball men's team.

Ever wondered what makes Stanford, Stanford? What do they do differently that we don't? How do they thrive in competition and perform under pressure? What happens behind the scenes of the seemingly effortless ladder to perfection, expertise and fame? 

This video gave me the chills (with Ray Lewis's motivational speech in the background).  Stanford or not, this goes to anyone who wants to carve a name of their own and leave behind a legacy. Each of us have an incredibly innate potential to peak in our lives.

All it takes is your honest answer to one simple question - How far will you go to make that happen?

The Crisis of Attention

Tweet

We are a culture of distraction says Joe Kraus in this nicely put together, thoughtful presentation (btw I will take a bow if you can watch the entire video without getting distracted:)

Some subtle points that stand out:

- Attention is like a muscle. And training this muscle needs discipline, just like any other sport.

- Multitasking is the only "skill" in the world that gets worse with practice. Multitasking is nothing but practicing the art of getting distracted.

- Our minds constantly seek stimulation. Because we love the feeling of random payout (you don't know what's out there so you keep checking on stuff, often) - checking tweets, facebook timeline, email inbox, phone messages etc. have the idea of "random payout" baked in. This is similar to the feeling of paying at a slot machine in casinos.

- We fill our "gap time" (time that we get away from work or stuff that needs attention) with distractions. Gap time is important to make those subconscious connections (Remember, connecting the dots?). Such connections give rise to epiphanies. We lose that ability by missing out on these times of solitude -  which is also incidentally the heart of creativity.

- Practicing mindfulness (for eg: listening to your breath while meditating) clears your head and assists you in longform thinking - the ability to think and pay attention for long periods of time.

When in doubt, trust a computer algorithm (aka The Myth of Intuition)

Tweet

Call it karmic interference. I have been reading this book and a myriad of articles in the last few days that gave examples on debunking the myth of intuition. Yes, intuition is not universally applicable.

Consider this example I read in today's New Yorker article by Jonah Lehrer on why smart people are stupid:

In a lake, there is a patch of lily pads. Every day, the patch doubles in size. If it takes 48 days for the patch to cover the entire lake, how long would it take for the patch to cover half of the lake

?

Your immediate response is 24 days. Now if you were like me, you would think that was too quick an answer. Then slowly Geometric Series strikes you. And if you were still like me, you would think that writing a formal equation to solve this is simply too complex. There must be an easier way of reasoning this out. 

So you just take a smaller example. Say it takes 2 days to cover the lake, what would your answer be then? 1 day. Similarly for 48 days, it must just be the day before. So the answer is actually 47 days.

Whew. That took some thinking. But wonder why your brain seeks out a shorter route each time?

Daniel Kahneman in his book Thinking fast and slow discusses such an innate weakness of the human brain that is wrongly dubbed as "intuition". Slow deliberating thinking is hard work whereas quick impulsive thinking is lazy. In fact, there is sufficient evidence that procedural way of thinking can be superior to human reasoning when it comes to predictions. And so in his book, he says: When in doubt it is better to trust a computer algorithm. Atleast they can't perform worser than intuitive judgements made by humans in such cases.

Also makes me wonder aloud about the power of Geometric Series in general. An amusing story I came across in this book on micro lending is just the perfect example to demonstrate the power of Geometric Series and our lack of misgivings while making a judgement in such cases:

The story goes like this: a prisoner who was condemned to death was brought before the king and was asked to make a last wish. The prisoner pointed to the chessboard which was to the right of the king’s throne, and he said, ‘I wish only for a single grain of rice on one square of the chess-board, and that you double it for each succeeding square.

‘Granted,’ said the king, not realizing the power of geometrical progression. For soon the prisoner had the entire kingdom. 

So if you really get down to solving the geometric series the prisoner gains 2^64 -1 which is 1.8 x 10^19 grains. And this is (to give you a scale of comparison) more than the total number of grains of sand on Earth! (which is 7.5 x 10^18)

That brings me to the lily pads example above as well. After 48 days, you have about 2^48 lily pads (even if each pad is about 10 cm in diameter, so about 75 sq. cm in area) that covers about 75 * 2 ^ 48 sq cm area which is about 2 million sq. km.  That is one big ass lake! (largest lake is about 371 sq km only, the Caspian Sea)

Moral of the story: Obvious is too obvious. Think stupid to break out of the bias :-)

Blast from the Past : How to stop regretting about your past

Tweet

Firstly, it has been a restless day and I didn't expect that of all the things I have in my head to write about, I pick a self-help topic as this one. Consider this as my way to vent. It also surprises me how I write more often these days when I am in extreme stress as opposed to maybe happier days I have had. This is probably my creative outlet then, ha?

Getting back to the topic, so what triggered this post was a really surprising and unexpected move from me. Last week I was casually chatting with an old friend (whom I haven't been in touch with) and during the conversation I shocked him by revealing something about my past. This was not deliberate. There came a point in the conversation when my body almost repulsed and shouted back - "Stop lying". So I just bluntly stunned him with the truth. 

And tonight I thought over and over again. What really happened? Why did I react that way? Was it silly and stupid for me to do that? Was that a meltdown? Or was that normal? Where did all that tough facade I put up go? 

And then it struck me. All this stuff is because I hold onto too much of my past. Again today, a good friend of mine told me that he is terrified of how much I regret sometimes about my past. I told him - "It isn't easy you know. I have been through tough stuff". Thinking back about it - who hasn't?

So I jot down few mental notes on what it takes to stop regretting and I hope to follow these and bring about a change in my perspective.

1. Stop lying - this doesn't mean you go around the town sharing your deepest secrets. It just means when something about your past comes up, it is always best to be honest. And I really mean - always. People generally don't give a shit about who you were before - because honestly, that shit's old, ok?

2. Embrace your past - easier said that done. You know how when people tell you "Everything happens for a reason" and you nod to it but you are secretly annoyed with that statement? That's right. That happens all the time. The best way to embrace your past is to ask yourself - "Would you have been as awesome as you are today, if not for those things in the past?"

3. Live in the moment - because two things matter the most in life - time and love. Nothing else matters really. And when you don't live in the moment you are either hurting the people you love or wasting your time. None of which can be corrected.

4. Live your own life, not others' - you know how a certain precedent set by your parents gives you an excuse that you didn't do much in your life because they told you so? That's an excuse. If you were up for it, you would have fought for what you wanted. When there is no fight, there no thrill in achieving what you want. Stop blaming and shifting the regret on others. Your life is your own, live it.

5. You have been through shit  - so ask yourself today "What more shit can happen?". You will be surprised how that works like a swiss army knife in every situation. Developing a positive attitude starts with that statement. Most of it is because of circumstances that are beyond your control. Learn to accept it and make peace with it.

6. Practice gratitude - only genuine gratitude. You will be surprised by how positive your nerves feel after a genuine act of kindness or gratitude. Give that seat to some elderly person, smile and greet people at your workplace, appreciate your mom's cooking, help your dad out in fixing something at home, write an email or a letter to someone you love, make a call to your best friend, offer to help your colleague at work, surprise your loved ones. It goes a long way. Now wonder where is the time to regret :)

7. Find a creative outlet - to vent/share/express your feelings.  This can be talking to your loved and trusted ones. Or taking up a piece of art. Or signing up to learn something new. Be on a mission to find that single something that will bring piece to your wretched mind.  Keep looking. Don't settle.

8. Stop wallowing in self-pity - do you identify with the moment when you looked at someone's perfectly happy and seemingly smooth life in pictures on Facebook? Now did you wish that were you? Let me break the bad news to you - their life cannot be yours. Stop comparing yourself with others. Your life is what you make of it. Don't waste on being like others when you can be you. Your experiences with life build your unique personality. Who needs perfect? That's boring.

Quit Early, Quit Often

Tweet

Who you are and what you do - should not be two different things. The choices you make in life keep these two things in harmony. This is the premise behind one of the sensible, honest graduation speeches I have heard (below) by a Harvard Business School professor. 

He makes an acute observation in this speech - we are unhappy less due to circumstances and more due to the choices we make. One of such choices he speaks about (among other things) is Learning to Quit


Why?

Because to take the right decision it is important to ask yourself everyday - "Am I excited about doing this?" And if the answer is no, you need to quit.

The speaker emphasizes - Be a good quitter

Because in the long run, it is time and not money that you will fall short of. So quit and save yourself some time to work on something that you really care about. 

You need to make a choice now - do you have the courage to quit or do you live in the futile hope that things will improve on their own?