Blast from the Past : How to stop regretting about your past

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Firstly, it has been a restless day and I didn't expect that of all the things I have in my head to write about, I pick a self-help topic as this one. Consider this as my way to vent. It also surprises me how I write more often these days when I am in extreme stress as opposed to maybe happier days I have had. This is probably my creative outlet then, ha?

Getting back to the topic, so what triggered this post was a really surprising and unexpected move from me. Last week I was casually chatting with an old friend (whom I haven't been in touch with) and during the conversation I shocked him by revealing something about my past. This was not deliberate. There came a point in the conversation when my body almost repulsed and shouted back - "Stop lying". So I just bluntly stunned him with the truth. 

And tonight I thought over and over again. What really happened? Why did I react that way? Was it silly and stupid for me to do that? Was that a meltdown? Or was that normal? Where did all that tough facade I put up go? 

And then it struck me. All this stuff is because I hold onto too much of my past. Again today, a good friend of mine told me that he is terrified of how much I regret sometimes about my past. I told him - "It isn't easy you know. I have been through tough stuff". Thinking back about it - who hasn't?

So I jot down few mental notes on what it takes to stop regretting and I hope to follow these and bring about a change in my perspective.

1. Stop lying - this doesn't mean you go around the town sharing your deepest secrets. It just means when something about your past comes up, it is always best to be honest. And I really mean - always. People generally don't give a shit about who you were before - because honestly, that shit's old, ok?

2. Embrace your past - easier said that done. You know how when people tell you "Everything happens for a reason" and you nod to it but you are secretly annoyed with that statement? That's right. That happens all the time. The best way to embrace your past is to ask yourself - "Would you have been as awesome as you are today, if not for those things in the past?"

3. Live in the moment - because two things matter the most in life - time and love. Nothing else matters really. And when you don't live in the moment you are either hurting the people you love or wasting your time. None of which can be corrected.

4. Live your own life, not others' - you know how a certain precedent set by your parents gives you an excuse that you didn't do much in your life because they told you so? That's an excuse. If you were up for it, you would have fought for what you wanted. When there is no fight, there no thrill in achieving what you want. Stop blaming and shifting the regret on others. Your life is your own, live it.

5. You have been through shit  - so ask yourself today "What more shit can happen?". You will be surprised how that works like a swiss army knife in every situation. Developing a positive attitude starts with that statement. Most of it is because of circumstances that are beyond your control. Learn to accept it and make peace with it.

6. Practice gratitude - only genuine gratitude. You will be surprised by how positive your nerves feel after a genuine act of kindness or gratitude. Give that seat to some elderly person, smile and greet people at your workplace, appreciate your mom's cooking, help your dad out in fixing something at home, write an email or a letter to someone you love, make a call to your best friend, offer to help your colleague at work, surprise your loved ones. It goes a long way. Now wonder where is the time to regret :)

7. Find a creative outlet - to vent/share/express your feelings.  This can be talking to your loved and trusted ones. Or taking up a piece of art. Or signing up to learn something new. Be on a mission to find that single something that will bring piece to your wretched mind.  Keep looking. Don't settle.

8. Stop wallowing in self-pity - do you identify with the moment when you looked at someone's perfectly happy and seemingly smooth life in pictures on Facebook? Now did you wish that were you? Let me break the bad news to you - their life cannot be yours. Stop comparing yourself with others. Your life is what you make of it. Don't waste on being like others when you can be you. Your experiences with life build your unique personality. Who needs perfect? That's boring.