Brief lapses of friendship

Tweet

Sometime you meet people, you become more than just acquaintances and then you move further apart. And that's that. End of story.

Some days I wonder where X is and what X is doing? You wonder what it meant to spend so much time with X only to end it all abruptly, one day. Once such notable Miss X was a roommate I had for couple of months while I worked in New York.

After being burnt one too many times, I simply avoided going beyond anything than a courteous relationship with roommates. This was simply a code of conduct I established for myself. I didn't want to fiercely associate or disassociate with roommates. Roommates are like passengers, they come and they go - I would repeat to myself.

So it was really somewhat unlike me, when I broke this rule one summer. 

X was a short, dark and chubby girl from Jharkand and was on a one year work assignment at New York City. At the time I was part of a rather strange living arrangement (not strange for those who lived in NY/NJ area) - Each room in a high-rise apartment was separately rented out by the owner, so you essentially pay by the room. It will not be an understatement to say the owner made heaps of money off us. But we couldn't be bothered - we couldn't afford to pay for the entire apartment by ourselves and also signing a long term lease was such a hassle. So this arrangement worked out well for both sides. Except for the tiny little hitch - we would end up having to live with random roommates like passengers on a train. They come and they go and we had no say on who or how our roommates would be like. The only decisive factor was of course, they would be of the same gender i.e females only.

Oh and one more thing, I had paid the top dollar for my room since it had the best view (so the rent was not split equally). What was I thinking? That I would sit by the window all day, sipping mojitos and watching the sailboats and cruise ships? Although I could've potentially done that. Needless to say, I never did.

On a pretty day, it would look like this from my bedroom window

One fine day X dropped in to survey our apartment (one of the girls had moved out of her room and two other girls lived in a double bedroom in the same apartment). She would potentially become the fourth member of the household. The next day she decided to move in - four suitcases in all. That night she promptly walked into my room and asked me to help her out with the curtains.

I was in the middle of a conversation (more like a fight) with my boyfriend over the phone. At the time, I was in a long distance relationship and we were having our turbulent times. And it was also late in the night.

For a split second I contemplated reminding her to knock on my door before barging in unceremoniously. But as you could guess, I was neither in the mood nor had the energy for another drama. "Ok, I gotta go now; call you in a bit", I hung up on my boyfriend.

"Sorry, I am too short. I can't reach even when I use the chair", she said, pointing to the tall chair near the windows.

Hmm, it wouldn't have hurt to sleep without curtains for one night. Right?

But I didn't tell her that. I simply went and helped her with the curtains. "Thank you", she said. By which time, I was already storming out of the room and didn't even turn around to acknowledge that I heard her. This time it seemed I was too eager to establish my rules of disengagement quite early on. No time to lose, I thought to myself.

The next morning (I used to get up as early as 5.30 am everyday to get a head start to work) I swinged into my usual routine - Cooked up eggs for breakfast, made coffee and packed my lunch box. I stuffed my work shoes into a spare bag, wore my sneakers (extremely mismatched with my formal trousers and white blouse) and grabbed my trench coat to head out to work. 

"Good Morning", she cheered after me.

"Ya, umm, morning", I said, undecided. I didn't think much of it the rest of the day. And it completely missed me I had a new roommate. New roommate meant having to put up with another eccentric personality and having to wrap my schedule around theirs - when do they take bath? when do they cook in the kitchen? which rack in the fridge is theirs? which one is a vegetarian? who is going to take the garbage out? And on and on...

It was like chaos in my calm, organized world. As evening dawned, so did the realization that I had to "figure it out" with the new roommate. One could argue that maybe I was giving this too much thought than required. But years of living with random roommates had built up this anxiety in me. That evening, I came back and as usual hung my coat and changed into my dirty pink pajamas (that I didn't like to wash. I loved it dirty and crumpled like that for no reason). 

Over the years, I also became somewhat of a kitchen nazi - I always insisted on the kitchen to be pristine clean. I had gotten into the habit of cooking every day and a smelly, unorganized kitchen would turn me off. I was, by no means, a cleanliness freak however. You could catch me with a pile of new and old laundry sitting on my bed, while I sat on the the same bed working away on my laptop. And that wouldn't frazzle me one bit. Even the bathroom being dirty was ok, but with the kitchen it was different - one dirty plate or abandoned spoon in sight was enough to drive me nuts.

So as I slowly walked to the kitchen in my pajamas, I was embracing myself for a mess. However, things caught me off guard. Surprisingly, in a good way.

There she was. X, stirring some curry and making a cup of tea. And the sight around her took me by surprise. Everything was in its place, she had wiped and dried clean every tiny hint of yellow (i.e turmeric) or a speck of rice grain there could be. Spoons, pots, pans, cups and plates in their designated places. It was a rare sight - in short a miracle.

"Hey, do you want a cup of tea? I also have rusk biscuits to go with them", she said.

"Umm sure", I heard myself say. 

What am I doing?! I am not supposed to be friendly with her. Damn it. The next thing you know she will exercise her privilege over your stuff.

"I don't think you take too much sugar. From the looks of you, you seem to be on a diet", she chuckled.

"No I am not on a diet. I just strictly exercise everyday. There is a difference."

"I see", she said nodding.

"So who are the two other girls? I didn't meet them"

"I don't know. I think one works in a bank and other is in insurance or something"

"Ok. Are we going to share that bathroom?", she asked pointing to the one that was visible from the kitchen.

"Yes."

"I saw you leave at 7 am this morning. I usually get up much later than that. So I don't think we need to sort out our bath timing"

"Yes". I let out a sigh of relief. "Also, please take out the garbage when it is full. We don't have a schedule for that because sometimes it just gets messy to wait", I said curtly.

"Of course, I will", she said.

We spoke for a good 15 mins after that and she had switched off her stove, fixed her dinner plate and left.

The next few days went uneventfully. One rare day I had taken off from work. I was tired and it was raining all day and I didn't have much of willpower to come out of my sheets, so I called in sick. I pretty much lay around in the home in my dirty pink pajamas and tried to catch up on some reading and fix myself a hearty lunch. This was in fact, a day I had fantasized - To laze around in my pajamas on a work day.

That rainy day - the view from my room overlooking the Hudson River - often turned into an ominous Armageddon like movie set.

That day, I realized X got back pretty early from work - 4 pm, the clock showed. I was pretty disappointed that such a day I fantasized had to end so early.

"What is it, half a day for you?", I asked sarcastically.

"No. I come back at this time"

"Really?" I couldn't contain my jealousy.

"Yes. I really have no work. I pretty much just surf the Internet all day. They are yet to assign me on a project"

"Wow"

"Say, do you want to take a walk outside?", she asked me.

I stood transfixed. Like someone had just held me at gun point. It was awkward to take a long pause like that to decide on a simple thing as this.

"Dont worry the weather is better now. And it wont be long, I swear", she said

"Sure. Lets go", I gave in.

So we had a cup of tea and headed out. We did spend a long time, on the contrary. She spoke of how her parents didn't want her to go overseas because they thought she had to get married soon and this work assignment would get in the way. She went on about the kind of guys she talked to everyday on phone, on her mother's insistence, who was trying to set her up with some guy. She just opened up. Like in one single night!

Although we were wide apart in our likes and dislikes and in personalities and the kind of topics we would discuss elsewhere, we sat that night on the benches, by the waterfront overlooking the Manhattan skyline, discussing the anatomy of "arranged marriages", family pressures, homesickness, dreadful work hours and other such inane topics that would bother a non-resident Indian. 

It was unbelievable, we were so different from each other and yet we had things in common, things we agreed upon. In her grievances, I found my willingness to talk and lend a ear, patiently.

"You know, there was this guy from IIT once whom I spoke to. He had this sarcastic tone to his voice all the time. It was annoying. Like an air of dominance. If I didn't pick his call on the first ring, he would ask me if I was so busy to even pick his call. And this when I have barely even spoken to him like 3 times so far.", she said

"What a jerk! Why didn't you just ask him to f*** off?", I asked

"Ya, I did. In my own way. I think I had had enough. So after his call, I rang my mom and told her can you call them right now and say I rejected this proposal? See, I wanted to humiliate him more. A simple   f*** off wouldn't have caused him so much pain as an official rejection."

"He must think what just hit him. How could you even reject him?"

We laughed together.

"He was so much of a Maa ka Laadla. My mother approves everything for me, he tells me. I wouldn't have much of a future with a man who cant take his own decisions."

I nodded in agreement. That night we headed back after the supposedly short walk that stretched to 4 hours.

On one of those walks by the waterfront. (Seriously, I have nothing but grainy pictures like these)

For a few weeks after that, I would head back from office anticipating "short walks" with her. Like some sort of renewed enthusiasm had been infused into me now. I had strangely taken a liking to our conversations and somehow I felt I could really talk and be friends with her. I started subconsciously craving for these long conversations. I would wrap up my work as fast as I could, head out and catch the first subway home in frenzied anticipation. It was ridiculous.

We shared cups of tea. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep I would knock on her door and we would continue our conversations over late night snacks. As if we had to catch up on episodes of one big soap opera. It was incredible, really. This went on for a brief period of 3-4 months.

And then the day had come when I had move out. It happened quite suddenly and without warning. I had decided to move out of New York. I told her about it, one night as we were prepping dinner. 

"You know Vinay Pathak, the actor from Bheja Fry?", she asked me, glossing over the topic of my leaving.

"Ya of course, I love his movies"

"He is my distant cousin. We grew up in the same village. He was like a big brother to us. He was this guy who loved only theatre, films and writing. His family pretty much gave up on him because he wasn't interested in pursuing anything else."

"Oh wow"

"Ya, but he is the same as he is in movies today. Simple and full of gags - such a talented guy. He really could make anyone laugh with his tales." 

I listened silently.

"When are you leaving?", she asked me, suddenly switching tracks.

"I am undecided at the moment. It is up to me. But I think it will be two weeks."

"Oh, that is quick."

"Yes, I had no idea",  I added suddenly feeling guilty that I never once hinted her on my intention of leaving.

"Oh well. I hope you get to work on something nice, something you love. And you and your boyfriend get married soon and can move in together. You will not have to put up with random roommates any more. It is not really all that pleasant to live like this. I admire you for that. You are so much of a self-made person. I enjoyed our walks together"

I blinked. I had never heard someone speak so many good things about me in a single breath. For few seconds I had an overwhelming feeling. But I shrugged instead and said "No big deal. You get used to situations. But it was really a bright spot to meet you, like this. Randomly I mean. I hope we meet each other again sometime."

And just like that our brief lapse of friendship ended. The last day when I left for my flight, I forgot my credit card at the apartment. It came to me a week later to my new address in a Fedex post. She told me not to bother paying for the shipment and wished me good luck.

I wonder where she is today and if she found her soulmate. And if we will ever cross our paths and be able to talk just like the old times.