Sometimes (ok, most of the times) I get up in the morning and jump right into the morning rush. No prayers, no thank you's, no good mornings, no nothing. I am snoozing till the last nano second and then I am jumping out of the bed, right into the shower.
Not good.
The whole concept of a morning ritual struck me odd, for a really long time. My inner voice kept saying - "Really, look at that. All the fools going through an elaborate time in the morning doing stuff, when they could actually catch some precious snooze time." You know inner voice, you were wrong, all the way. The essence behind morning rituals is to look at yourself, reflect and set the pace for the day. I ask you, how many times has it happened that a bad start to the day resulted in a productive rest of the day? Zero, I can bet. Because you didn't set the tone for your day. You didn't speak to your mind and tell "Hey mind, I have done good so far. I am healthy, happy and wise so I thank God and family and friends for all the good things. Today is going to be rocking, as usual."
And then there is this whole "looking back" business. You know, looking back is always a tricky thing. You focus so much on the negatives, the wrong stuff that has happened. If only, that certain something, event or incident didn't happen.
Let me tell you something today. "If only" are the two most dangerous words. Ever.
Because you are looking at yourself in the mirror and saying things like -
"If only, my skin didn't break into pimples all the time."
"If only, I was not fat like this."
"If only, I hadn't splurged like that on food or shopping or whatever last night."
"If only, I had performed good enough to get that promotion at work."
"If only, I knew I was such an idiot then."
"If only, I didn't get into this relationship."
You get the drift.
The problem with regretting is it continues in an infinite loop. Never ending self-inflicting physical and mental pain, becomes a habit. There are probably a thousand times when I said - "No I am not going to regret and feel self-pity." But you give up fighting and jump right into the regret loop. Because your mind is tuned to that.
Now, how the hell am I supposed to break this loop you ask?
I think, the answer (like everything else), lies in the way we form habits. By habits, I simply mean small changes. Instead of telling "I am not going to regret, why not form some habits that are going to change the regret filled regret behavior?"And that is why this whole brouhaha about morning rituals. Because really the people who are getting up in the morning a little early, and praying and spending time with family and kids or just meditating aren't fools. They are performing, right there, the ritual that breaks the regret loop (perhaps even unintentionally).
The problem with rushing through your morning is you really give no time for your mind to find and hook onto something that will help you through a possibly nasty day. Then you are jumping from one task to another. You are getting sucked into the vortex of emotions that will make or break your day, without your permission (unbelievable how something else controls your life!). Is that how you want your life to be? Give it up, for some unknown entity to drive it. And then do self-bashing about things you could have achieved. If only?
Of course, looking back itself is not a one stop solution to regret. In fact it can morph into the problem itself. Because either you could look back and tell "Hey, I had a crappy X no. of years so far. What did I achieve?" or tell "Hey, I had the most beautiful X years so far. Beautiful and nasty experiences that have shaped my personality and I am ready for all the challenges"
So looking back is good, only to take you forward. The answer then, lies in habits - like the morning ritual. It sets the tone for your day. Even if it means 5 minutes of waking up early and counting your blessings, do it. Do it every single day. Don't break that chain. Slowly see that turn into a habit - like brushing your teeth or tying your shoe laces. It becomes mechanical and becomes a part of you. If need be, get someone to be your support system - friend, spouse, family, colleague, whoever. Someone who reminds you to get back in line. To keep your regret-free conditioning intact.
Regret is the single most evil thing that has happened to humans. It just gets worser and worser if ignored. I am a victim and I am stage three (no this is not even funny). I am ready to fight this, head on.
It is astonishing how this whole "escape from stress and regret" thing is a multi billion dollar business.
No amount of indefinite vacation or a 5 day yoga retreat is going to change your habit of regret. The only change that will make a dent in this is change - slow, consistent and sustainable change.
You need to say to yourself - "Today is the most important day of my life. And I wont let it pass in regret for something that is already gone by. For some bullshit that you wouldn't even remember a few days from now."
If only I never used the two words - If only. (See I did that again! Regretting like that)
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