Friday, September 28, 2007

Eavesdropping & more..

Girl at walmart counter: So how u doin' today?
Desi guy: [Dumbstruck..stares at the girl]
Girl: Everyting ok with you sir?
Desi guy: [Wakes up] What?

Me [on fone]: Vet Med Park. This is Manju. How may I help you?
Caller: Ma pigs..
Me: Am sorry (?!??)
Caller: Ma pigs..they are sick.
Me: huh?
Caller: Ma pigs are sick. They dont eat anymore. Wot do i do?
Me: Err..Am sorry ma'm you dialled the wrong number
Caller: Isnt that what a vet is supposed to do? You medicate ma pigs!
Me: Am sorry this is College of Veterinary Medicine. We DO NOT take care of animal medication or consultation and..
Caller: [Getting hysterical] But they are sick!
Me: You need to check the yellow pages ma'm
Caller: So can you gimme the number?
Me: [ha so clever!] Sure.

[At the bus stop]
Girl to Guy: So, what's ur number?
Guy: 979-blah-blah
Girl: Aha. So we meet this Sat to get the homework done?
Guy: Yep
Girl: I have this American Association blah blah meeting I gotta attend. And there's the first meeitngof Origami society after that. So it might take me sumtime to get started on the homework
Guy: [Nods]
Another girl waving at the girl: Heyyyyyyyyy Michhhhelle..[Hugs] Howwww are yaaaa?! I missed yaaa..
Girl: Awwwwwwwwww
Guy: [Crossing his eyebrows and staring]
Girl: I misssed you tooooo
Girl # 2: Oh you dint!
Girl: i did!
Girl # 2: Did not!
Girl: Did!
Girl # 2: Did not!
[Phone rings]
Girl: Heyyyyyy Stephhh!!! howwww r yaaa??? i missed ya..
Girl: Oh my god! Ohhh - myyyyy - goddddd
Girl # 2: [Shaking her hands, legs, hips in a frenzy..] What? What happened?
Girl: Ok!!!! i will be there in a jiffy.
[Hangs up]
Girl # 2: Whatttttttt??
Girl: We are having a party tonite. We gotta get supplies and cook and..
Girl # 2: ohhhh-myyyyy-goddddd! Shudddddddup!
Girl to guy [as she runs off]: Hey J#$%^%. Gotta go! C ya around.
Guy: [Smiles]

Girls walk away

Guy: BITCH!!!!

At a career fair presentation..
Chinese Guy: So is it is the you do fy-nance see-ayl and aaaaa solutions and wan(t) still to ty-ke petroleum ma-jores for soft-wire????
Representative: aaaah, can u repeat the question?
Chinese Guy: [Repeats]
Rep: huh..ya [nods, without a clue about what he was asked]
Chinese Guy: So is it is the work giv-and to thy ma-jores from pet-roll-eum not rel-oh-vent to the areas of inter-rest of what we dooo at compass and how is it go-ing to bene-fitt the comp-ony and you?
Rep: huh..ya. huhhhhhhhh..ummmm
Desi: He wants to know how you are benefitting by recruiting petroleum majors though you are essentially into creating financial software solutions.
Rep: Ohhhhhhhhh! Oh that..ok. it goes like this..blah blah blah


Monday, September 24, 2007

On skydiving, clicking pictures & pregnant ladies

An hour of software engineering classwork:

Me: [walks in. Front rows are empty. Damn! There isnt any place at the back. Damn!]
Lively (professor): What time is it?

Me: huh?

Lively: When does the class begin?
Phoren guy: 3 pm!

Lively: And wot time is it now?
Phoren guy: 3.10 sir!

Lively: Okkie then. I wud appreciate if you guys come to class in time
Me: Duhhh!

Lively: [paces up and down] you thereeeee!!
[Points at a guy behind] Have I taken your picture?


Guy behind: Yes you have

Lively: hmmm. I dont remember ya. Anyone who hasnt, get your picture taken after the class.Now leme see if i can get your names and faces right.

Lively: [looks at me] Joshi?
Me: Naa..Manju.

Lively: Yeah. You take out your glasses and let your hair down for a picture and then you come all tied up other times. How am i supposed to know its you!?

Me: [holy shitttt!!]

More guffaws

Lively: Girls and their hairstyles.okkie then lets begin the class.

Me: [finally! Time to doze ]

Lively: So what is web engineering? Anyone?
McMillan: Umm, its engineering of the web?

Plenty of Guffaws!

Lively: [paces up and down, faces the class and with a stoic expression] is it wot spiders do?


Lively: blah blah blah. So what do we call systems that can handle catastrophic situations? Anyone?


McMillan: fail-safe?
Lively: Who said that? Who?

Class goes into a lull.

Guy at the door: It came from that direction.

Lively: Mcmilllllllllllllllllan??????
McMillan: errr..

Lively: [eyebrows crossed] McMillan! Whats fail safe?
McMillan: Systems that are safe from failure?


Lively: They are called fault tolerant..blah blah blah..Have you heard of the Mythical Man Month? Anybody?

Lively: Okkkie then. It says "Persons and months dont interchange". Or dooooooooooooooooooo they?????Ummm. What happens if they are 1000 developers working on one single project?

Desi guy [waiting to impress] : It leads to conflicts. There wont be a consensus and leads to low productivity

Lively: Good! Let me see. If a woman can give birth to a newborn in 9 months can 9 women do it in a single month??

Guffaws n guffaws!

Lively: Awwwrite! [Turns and stares point blank at me] What is the terminal velocity rate when you sky dive?
Me: [My wake up call!] 124mph!

Lively: You! Manju! You are gona make an A in ma class!
Me: I sure will!

Lively: I was testing if you guys lend me a ear when I talk gibberish.
Me: duhh!

yada yada yada

End of the class.

So anyone can tell me what I quoted about productivity?

Some voice in the class: 9 pregnant ladies?
Lively: Awwrite. Dont write that in ma mid term